Donc comme vous (So like you) Volume I: "Something with no wings was born"

Chapter V "As in dreams the birds sing, the moon doesn't shine enough"

Why am I watching all these people? It seems they are all distant, women, men and children, it almost seems like I'm not part of their world. All of them are enjoying something that I feel I could get to understand, but that in reality, I have never experienced, all of them are living care freely, individually, without even hesitating over whether do something or not, they just live without boundaries or rules. Can the world I live in get to be like that?

I already know the answer to that question, however, I cannot help but feel a tiny hope, it is something that I hadn't felt till now. What is this? I'd like to learn about these persons, could I? Can I get to know them? Can I really get to be like them?

No, I am like them, and yet I am so far away, I am watching them from a huge distance, I don't even know where I am, I only know that I am going higher and higher...this almost seems to be something surrealistic. I mean, normally we cannot fly... I think, but right now I almost feel like I am flying and it just seems so natural and normal...Wait... could I be in the castle that I once visited?

I think when I was about 5 years I went to see a castle with my grandparents, it was a huge castle, I think it is the biggest structure that I have ever seen. Mhhh, I have never been interested in things like that, but even so, I think I didn't get that bored when I went to see that castle. Well, that didn't help me avoid the comment from my grandmother saying something like "If you continue to be like that you are not going to be happy" and my grandfather telling her nothing because he wasn't the type to be complaining about things, even when I really felt that he didn't agree with her...mhhh, What did exactly happen on that day?

Mhhh, I think we were going to the tallest part of that castle...mhhh, and I think after reaching the top I started to feel somewhat bored, but not that bored like to say "I want to go home", which would be my almost natural reaction to things of this sort, what I felt was rather like a feeling of not knowing how to appreciate that moment, and just after that, my grandfather suddenly called me out and told me "look" while pointing with his wrinkled finger the sight from the castle to the town. Wait, The sight... was the same thing that I am watching now, but... it is weird, I now remember that just when my grandfather told me to look, he tear dropped and started to look very depressed.

That's all that I remember from that day. Mhhh, why did he tear drop? I remember there was quite windy and it was kind of dusty as well, that might have produced the tears falling down his face. Mhhh, that "depressed" expression might have been my imagination. In the end, the sight that we had that day was the same I am seeing now.

I wasn't very attached to my grandfather, he was almost always working and I didn't live with my grandparents, I used to visit them a lot though. I mean, that was a long time ago, when I used to go to their house and talk with them, it wasn't very joyful, it was rather boring for me, but I was there just because my father usually had to go to work abroad and it seems that in this society a child cannot be left alone at home, mhhh, what could I have done if left alone in my house? I mean, sleep? I have always been the same, it is not like I could have burnt the house or something. But well whatever, going to my grandparents' house was almost the same that staying in my house, due to my even-minded and apathetical behaviour towards everything I could never care about that, I didn't find anything amusing nor boring. I mean, I am still like that, but now I have more responsibilities, if you could call them that, by living by myself, I would have liked everything to stay how it was before... Oh, speaking of which, I just remembered something I find rather curious, mhhh, I don't really know how to say it, I will have to tell the whole story...very unpleasant.

When I was a child I attended a school that didn't need attendance to approve, so I used to go just sometimes, almost never, I'd only go to take the tests, most of the time I just stayed at home and studied or read books in my room by myself, that allowed me to be the tenth "best" student out of a hundred in my same school level. Mhhh, I think that is just a farce, to make your students believe they are better just because of a certain conventional standard... I remember that paper.