Runaway (A Zayn Malik fanfiction)

Chapter 61 ♡

Chapter 61

(Kat's POV)

A week.

It's been one whole week since Zayn and I had the fight, and I haven't been doing so well.

Dad came back three days ago, beamed after he saw my new apartment. I tried to act excited as he told me stories about his trip to Paris with Cora, but I had a feeling it didn't work.

"Are you feeling well?" Dad asked me when he realized that I wasn't really paying attention to his story.

I smiled and nodded, "I'm fine. Continue."

He stared at me with doubt then finally said, "you seem very sick. I think you need some rest."

Sick, I thought. Ha. The only thing I was sick of was myself. But I just agreed with him and told him I had a fever.

So ever since that day, I had not left my apartment. Dad thought it was because of my health, but I was just too afraid to bump into Zayn again. Who knew how I would react after seeing him? I can't even look at myself in the mirror without shedding tears.

I was laying on the couch of my apartment, playing with the ring Zayn had give me, on my finger. Even after everything that happened, I couldn't take it off. But I knew I should.

I stood up off the couch and began to walk to my fridge. Once I got there, I took out a beer. Now-a-days, it's the only thing that keeps me from mental breakdowns. I sipped on it hard, getting used to the bitter-sweet taste that soaked my tongue. These are also the only things I've been living off of in my diet.

Yup. If you don't count a slice of toast or baby carrots, beer is the only thing I have been eating or drinking. Every time dad got me food and told me to eat it, I would throw it back up. Sure, starving myself wasn't the answer to anything, but it at least made me close to being as thin as Carlee. Maybe even thinner.

I had lost a lot of weight, but I don't really care. Katrina Desire is dead, and Kat Desire lived on. If the old me wasn't good enough for anyone, then it wasn't even good for myself. Besides, this isn't new for me. Hurting myself was the only thing that helped me make it through Eli, who says it won't work for Zayn?

I sighed and sat on the couch. My body ached from my immediate change in diet, but I paid no attention to it. I picked up my phone and noticed the missed calls and messages.

There were about thirty four missed calls from Zayn, only from today. He left a bunch of voicemails but I didn't listen to them, instead I hit delete on all of them. He had a bunch of text messages that read;

Please forgive me Kat, I love you.

I love you so much Kat.

Let me explain.

I'm sorry for hurting you sweetheart, please forgive me?

And a ton of more that I decided not to open. There were also a lot of missed calls and texts from Carlee. Of course, she was apologizing. But I didn't bother to read her texts. I was finished with her. Just as I was finished with Zayn.

It might have been a mistake for Carlee, but it didn't seem like it while she was practically eating Zayn's face off.

I don't know what happened between her and Drew, but it must've ended well, because. . . well, she was Carlee. Nobody could hold a grudge against her for long.

Well, Except me.

Of course I wanted it to be okay between us, and if I wanted, I could've made everything okay with one push of a button. But this, torturing myself for not being good enough, it made me feel a sense of accomplishment. I don't know why, but it did. Maybe it was because I'm nearly insane, or maybe it's the fact that I'm so numb, but I wasn't stopping anytime soon.