Child Of A Bus Driver

Chapter nine - goodbye forever, until we meet again

Standing at the front of millions of people reading out a speech of my dad felt horrible, I've always dreamed that this day would never happen but here I am standing in front of relatives, friends and family, colleagues and film producers to wish him a good bye. It was hard of  jack to lose a friend and colleague, however it was even harder for me to lose my dad again .  This speech wasn't easy for me and Jack knew that, so as I stood at the front shaking and crying he got up and stood beside me " Katie, I know this is hard for you and it's hard for me to, but as you make your speech I want you to know I'm right here." he said, whispering it in my ear, knowing that Jack was there for support I started " Its hard to lose a person who is so close to you, especially when you had no contact as a child. Many emotions flooded me when I saw him after 12 long and painful years, but to be finally reunited with him made me so happy. The memories my dad and I shared is unforgettable and I'll take them to my grave. Stan was such a troublemaker, who would easily make you happy. Dad would also make me feel like the only girl in world, our worlds consisted of each other and now you're gone, I don't know have to cope. He'd never give up on me or anyone. There was one thing you never saw Stan do or say and that was tell me of or shout at me, he'd always sit me down and make me talk about it. He was always there when I needed him, his support and his advice made him who he was. As many people know he helped me with so many things but most of all he helped me with a job. He knew that my talent was in acting and so he went to see the producers about letting me have a part, he came out minutes later saying that I was gonna be a trainee conductor on his and jacks bus. I remember hugging him tight and giving him a big kiss and I remember him being a great teacher. Stan always believed that a kiss would solve everything and as a thirty year old, I still believe that. I was also told at a young age that people would live forever, but when I saw him in the chair, looking gray in the face and to weak to move I realized that I was staring in to the persons eyes who told me, realizing that people don't live forever. It hit my hard knowing that you weren't going to be around anymore and having jack there by my side when you did go really helped. Stan never wanted to be put in a care home, it got to the point where he couldn't remember anything, but before we say goodbye I want you to know that I kept that promise.......Would you please join me in saying goodbye to this funny, kind, caring, helpful and annoying troublemaker, who was and still is the best dad in the world, Stanley Arthur Butler. Thank you". I stood there crying for a few minutes, still not believing he was dead, I felt a hand on my shoulder " I'm so proud of you and your father will be  to, you are so brave" Jack said, I turned round and hugged him, crying in his arms.

As I lied in bed at the end of what can only be described as an emotional day I couldn't believe that my dad had died. I pulled the letter out that you had written the day before  " I'm so sorry for leaving you again, Katie, however I'm still there, in you're head and most of all in your heart. Tell Jack to once again take care of my bubee, don't be sad about my passing, instead I want you to be happy about the life we've shared. Please remember that a simple kiss will solve everything and remember no matter how close we are together or miles apart I'm still there. I will always love you, Daddy xxx." While reading it I could hear my dad say it to me, like he was right beside me. It had upset me so much that I couldn't breathe and having an irregular heartbeat didn't help, eventually jack came in to my room " Katie, Katie stop crying and concentrate on your breathing" he said holding me in his arms, I had managed to calm down and was still breathing very heavily " you alright, now" " yes, just tried, its been a long day" I replied standing up and getting back in to bed, jack gave me a kiss on the cheek " goodnight" " jack" I asked he looked at me " can you lie next to me, please?" " Katie, you're a thirty year old woman" he replied " my dad did say ask jack to take care of his bubee" " Katie" he moaned " jack, please, I know it doesn't sound right but you're all I've got, I think of you as an uncle" I begged looking at him in his eyes. He laid on top of the covers , put his arm under my head and kissed me goodnight. Its was nice having someone lying next to me, its what my dad used to do when I was younger. It made me fall asleep immediately and my mind drifted off and it didn't feel like jack was there at all. Instead it felt like my dad was there.

A couple of months later, however, the clock had struck 12:00pm in the afternoon and still Jack wasn't awake, I became suspicious and wondered if he was alright so I climbed the stairs and knocked on the door " Jackie Darling, are you alright?" But there was no answer normally he would laugh at this joke and reply in a funny voice but there was nothing so I opened the door, as I did I saw Jack asleep in bed  " Jack, jack" I said as I poked him, still no answer  " Jack! Jack !" I started to scream " this isn't funny!" In anger I whipped the covers from him and grabbed his hand. I knew immediately he had died " goodbye, Jack" I said and then sat on the floor, still holding his hand. The answer was unclear why he had died so I just shut the door and went back downstairs.

My thoughts gathered in my mind and it was unbearable, all I could see is my dads body in the armchair and Jacks in the bed. I knew that I had to do something but I was to upset to do anything. The memories became pain, all building up in my mind. I went for a walk down the beach. It didn't help, there was memories everywhere. I had climbed the cliff we used to climb, you could see for miles. To my left there was beach leading back up to the house, on the right there was the harbor where a fun fair was positioned. I  stood at the edge for a while looking down at the 100 foot drop, then turned round and fell. My life flashed before me. Memories flooded my mind. The pain became bearable. I said my final words " I love you, daddy".

My body was bent and broken, bruised and cut but there was no life when the paramedics came. I had died an hour after jack. The reason to them was unclear why, but for the smashed up body lying on the rock, the reason was clear, I had become depressed without my dad and the thought of losing you again made the pain more unbearable. I didn't want to live without him anymore. On a cold Friday afternoon, I wanted nothing more but to be forever with you.