If All Else Fails

As Soon As the Sun Sets

~Anya~

Today's the day. 

I pace the living room. Lucas sat at the far end just beside the fireplace. He followed my every move with his head, cocking to one side and the other. He could tell I was anxious. I passed the mirror for the Nth time and stopped to study myself. I wasn't able to get a haircut for the last three years being here and it sucks. My once straight golden hair now becoming wavy and dry at the ends. I looked like shit but I did my best to dress up real good on this very occasion. I picked a pastel green sun dress and nude ballet flats. He loved green, I thought. I contemplated on tying my hair up in a bun or letting it loose but who was going to care anyway. I tried my best to look presentable and I hope I was doing this dress justice. I continue pacing back and forth across the living room. What was taking them so long? Thought they'd be here by now. 

A knock. About time! I hurried to the door to find my three favorite people. We all hugged at once. It had been almost a year since I last saw them. They always made it a point to visit me on Dad's death anniversary. I scanned the porch and the driveway.

"I'm sorry, Annie. She's not here." Colin said. All three of them looked apologetic. 

I smiled. "No, it's okay. I understand." I took a deep breath. "Shall we go?"

I grabbed my purse and the bouquet of white freesias I bought at the market this morning. Allan, the stall vendor, already knew what I wanted so before I could say anything, he handed me the flowers. 

It was a bright sunny day and Eric was in high spirits driving along the highway. He had just moved out of his mother's house and got himself an apartment in downtown Manhattan two weeks ago. Growing up in a Filipino family, keeping close family ties was one thing but choosing to move out was another. It was an issue he'd battled with since he turned eighteen. He almost always complained about how he envied Colin, our other best guy friend while Colin would envy how Eric's family was always so close. Eric came from a wealthy Filipino family and had three sisters all of which were doctors at Colin's hospital. Although he was very handsome, there was one thing that would put off girls who were drawn to him. He was gay. Much to his parent's disapproval, he still opened his very own salon on the Upper East Side. It was a booming business all year long with clients flying in from across the country and others even coming from as far as the UK and the Middle East. He always had a very upbeat personality which seems to be one of the main reasons why his clients keep on coming even at such a hefty price for a haircut. 

"So, anything you want to tell your old man today?" He asked, whistling.

I just gave out a huge sigh and shrugged while I stared out the window the whole drive. The cemetery was just twenty minutes away from my house, so the silence wasn't as deafening as I imagined it to be. As I opened the car door, though it was hot outside, the cool breeze was comforting. The cemetery had excellent views of the sea and practically defeated the stigma that they are supposed to be somewhere deep in the forest, fog and all where the possibility of zombies might just appear like in that Michael Jackson music video. 

Isabella, Izzy as I would call her, stood right next to me with a warm and inviting smile on her face and held out her hand for me to hold. Sure, having two guy best friends was cool, but having her was like having a sister I could have always wished for. She's the daughter of dad's best friend and we practically grew up together hearing mergers and stock prices on a daily basis. She was the one person that I confided in and knew me more than I knew myself. So I trust that when she says that everything is going to be alright, it will be. I hold her hand, tight and she gives me an encouraging squeeze before we walk down the main path.

The last time I was here was three months ago and it still doesn't feel real. As soon as I see our family's mausoleum, I get this pain in my chest and I miss my dad badly. Izzy must have felt that I was anxious, so she gave me another squeeze and a soft pat on my shoulder. Colin put his arm around me and gestured for me to head first. 

"We'll be here. We'll give you a few minutes with the old man. You'll be fine." Eric smiled reassuringly. I'm sure that out of the four of us, I was the strongest one. I hold my opinions firmly and am not one for backing down. But just this one time, every year for the last three years, I have been at my absolute weakest and they have been my rock ever since so I always am grateful for them. 

Before I entered, I looked up at the building with our family name in golden letters at the center. Anderson. I opened the gate and walked inside. I remember when I first came here as a child, I thought this place looked like a palace. In truth, it was a big enough building for only three people buried inside. Everything was marble, in its pristine condition even if we only used to ever come here once a year until my dad died as I temporarily relocated here. I look up and am still amazed at how beautiful the mural was. It was a complex painting of angels and humans interacting with each other and three angels circling the base of the chandelier. I walk forward and there he is. Daddy, I miss you so much. 

I hold back tears as I touch his headstone. I bent my head to whisper a silent prayer before talking to him. I sat down on the bench and crossed my legs, as if in attempt to look normal while I talk to myself. I looked back and my best friends were waiting for me, their eyes in silent encouragement.

"Happy birthday, old man. I know you hate me calling you that but I call you that anyway in hopes I get away with it for the third time. I hope everything is good up there where you are. I know I'm not. You left me in a heap of mess and it kind of makes me want to hate you a little bit. You said you would never leave your baby girl alone. But look where I am now. I miss you, Dad. Every passing second, I do. I just wish we had more time. By the way, I got a call earlier. I don't know who it's from but I'm certain he knows something about your death. I swear by your grave, Dad. I will find out who it was that did this to you. It just may be the push I deserve. I can't keep hiding away forever."

I stand and touch the headstone again. "I may have to leave you alone for a while. I'm going back tomorrow. You gave my the clarity I needed... as always. I promise that when I do come back, I'll have the answers to everything. You just have to take my word for it. I'm your daughter after all."

And with that, I turn and start walking out. As soon as Eric saw I was coming, the three of them head inside to offer flowers and their prayers. It wasn't long that I had to wait out. And for the last time, I look back and promised myself and my Dad that justice was going to be served. I knew it in my heart that I needed to do this for him at least.