If All Else Fails

Live and Let Live

~Anya~

The drive back to my house was silent as I expected. It wasn't awkward, but that it was comforting even knowing that the chatterboxes that are my friends choose to give me the space I need to reflect and relax at a day like today. They mourn my loss like it was theirs. My father was their father too in every way possible so it wasn't just me that needed this mute button.

As soon as we got home, Lucas was there to keep us company. Eric had brought my favorite wine and Colin brought Krispy Kreme. Yeah, I know. Wine and doughnuts don't go together but why not? It's not the most conventional food to bring but he knows it's my favorite and he knows I'd happily share. 

Eric sets the wine and the glasses down on the coffee table and pours us each a glass. We make a toast to my dad and new beginnings. Speaking of which, I remembered that I had to tell them I was adamant on going back with them to New York.

I clear my throat. Here goes nothing. "Hey guys, I need to tell you something."

All eyes on me. "I know you're all going back tomorrow but I've just decided that I can't keep doing this anymore. I've wasted three years waiting for an answer but it's one I'm never going to get while I'm here. My mom needs me there, and the company needs me. I promised Dad earlier that I wasn't going to come back here not knowing anything. So... I'm going to book a flight tomorrow so we can go back together. What do you think?" I raise my eyebrows with an obvious question mark on my face as I wait for them to answer.

Colin is the first to snap out of it. He puts his glass down and stands with arms open to hug me. I stood up to hug him and I could feel streaks of tears fall down. He doesn't say anything but just nods as if to agree that I made a good decision. Izzy, now holding a tissue, nods as well and failing greatly at trying to hold back tears. She and Eric now stood and joined in on the hug.

"Good girl. That's it. We've all been waiting for this moment to come. And we know you're going to make good on your promise. We'll be here for you. Always." Eric manages to say in between sobs. 

That night, we go out to a tapas place just fifteen minutes away. Ever since they came here to visit me often, this has been our go-to place for every occasion. Sad or happy. Right now, we're bordering on happy. We discuss what new things I could look forward to as soon as I get there, Eric's obsession over my hair and said that I needed a makeover asap and that he was going to drag me to his salon as soon as we land, my return to the company and how it would feel like seeing everyone after the tragedy. Although I haven't really thought about what it would feel like to step foot inside the company again after my hiatus, I brush it off and save the worries for when I cross that bridge. Right now, we're celebrating Dad's birthday and my journey to rediscovery and redemption.

Izzy and Eric had a little bit too much of wine and ended up sleeping on the couch. Colin just couldn't handle taking them upstairs and into the bedrooms so I took out the blankets instead and figured it wouldn't hurt to let them sleep there. I couldn't sleep so I head out to the deck, hot cocoa in tow and a blanket. I settle in one of the chairs and put my feet up. I checked my phone and it was only eleven. Too early. 

I stare at the waves and the sky. It was dark out so I could see all the stars. I smile to myself and think about how big my decision was to finally get up. I was too tired of letting my grief swallow my whole life and I realized that I wasn't about to waste it feeling sorry for myself. What would Dad have said if he saw me now? As if hearing my thoughts, Colin sat down beside me.

"He wouldn't have wanted you to wallow in your own grief. You know he hated weak people. And weak just doesn't suit you, pumpkin." He smiles warmly at me.

He sits back and watches the stars with me. Colin and I have been friends since our freshman year in college. We used to argue a lot and maybe even hated each other. And that was where we found our common ground. Funny as it may sound, the start to our friendship was very cliche. Enemy turned friends. Looking back, I never would have thought we'd get along as well as we have. He can make people give in with his powers of persuasion and authority. I felt sorry for all the girls he used to date back in college. Boy were they lining up for him, but to him, they never really fit the bill. But he wouldn't tell us why, so until now, it's been such a mystery. Not only did he smell of money, but he had the looks as well. So I think, if you put the two together, it would only be natural that girls would swarm him wherever he went. He isn't a gentleman though. I mean, well, he is but only to me and Izzy. To others, he's a cold hearted prick. I snorted at the thought and almost spilled my drink.

He cocked his head to me and raised an eyebrow. "Let me guess, something you find funny and won't tell me." He rolls his eyes and stares back at the sky.

I laugh. "No silly. I mean, I just thought about how we were at odds before and now, well, look at us. We are an unlikely pair of friends. Say, which reminds me, you dated all those girls before and never, as in not once, did you feel anything for them?" I point at him, my curiosity at its peak.

He shrugs. "To say that I felt nothing for them is a bit of an overstatement, lady. I just, well..." He looks down on his hands.

"Well...?"

"They just didn't seem right to me. They never really saw me for me, you know? They don't pay attention to what I want."

"And what do you want?"

"I just want to be seen as me. Colin Hayes. Not for my money, not for my family, not for this." He gestures to his face and the rest of body. He has a point though. If it wasn't for the fact that I practically see him as my brother, I think he's hot for his own good. I mentally kick myself. 

"Ah, yes. I know what you mean." I become silent as I tap on my mug. I was never a big fan of dating, but I knew well enough that most people nowadays are hungry for money. They see money and they do whatever it takes to get it.

"But I like someone else." My eyes widen. This confession is a first. Knowing Colin, he barely gives anything away. His personal problems are his and whatever stuff he has going on, he doesn't really tell. So again, this came as a shock.

I put my mug down and perched on top of the chair and urged him to say more but he shook his head and stood. "That's about as far as I can go, love. Come on, let's put you to bed before you catch a cold." He offered his hand to me and I obliged. We made a stop to the kitchen so I can wash my mug and head upstairs. He walked me to my bedroom and kissed the top of my head. "So proud of you. Goodnight."

I took a hot shower and before sleeping, I remembered I had a flight to catch. So I opened my laptop and crossed my fingers that I was going to be in the same flight as they were, and luckily enough, there were two first class seats open. There was a pop-up at the bottom that one other person was looking at this route. So I had to be quick, or else I was going to have to go on my own and I don't want that. I hurriedly input all my details and confirmed booking. Yes! Someone is really going back. And though I took a hot shower a few minutes ago, now I feel cold and anxious. Tomorrow is really going to be a long day.