Phan One-Shots

the funeral

this is a sequel to "does life have to be this way"

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i grabbed my suit and put it on, these last few weeks have brought me so much sorrow, knowing that he's gone just kills me. i kept getting up each morning hoping he'd be in bed with me sleeping soundly but id just wake up to a cold empty spot where he once slept. the memories flood back to me, everything that happened in this bed, under these sheets. i miss his presence, his pillow still has his scent, his scent haunts me. i should be leaving but i refuse to believe he's gone until i see him again.

i remember the sound of the tires squealing and the car smashing into the tree. i wish i could've saved him, i would do anything to bring him back, to hear his voice, to hold him in my arms, to be able to care for him, to do anything with him.

my mum picked me up due to the fact that i no longer have my car and they don't find me fit enough to drive. they think id kill myself, which i wish i could, but dan wouldn't want that. i sat down and looked down at my lap "it's going to be okay, dear." i looked at my mum tears coming out of my eyes "it's not okay, not just yet." she rubbed my back "im so sorry that this happened, dearie." as she said that my tears came pouring down.

i got out of the car and walked into the church, we didn't want to do it in a church but we did it anyways but we wouldn't do any actual religious bullshit, i wanted nothing to do with the religions that said i couldn't love dan without being a "disgusting freak". his casket was set up at the front of the room, i wonder how he looked, probably just as beautiful as when he was still here.

i walked up to his casket and saw him "you're still beautiful, love." i wiped away my tears and sniffled "i should've listened to you, if i did you'd still be here." i caressed his cheek "i hope you know that i love you." my mother took my hand and lead me away from dan "come sit, phil. let everyone else pay their respects to him." i looked at her and saw the tears building up in her eyes. i buried my face in my hands. we all stood up and helped  carry dan's casket outside to the cemetery where i would be able to give him his eulogy and his flowers.

"in the time that i knew dan i immediately fell for him. it wasn't his beauty, i fell in love with his shy and sweet personality. within the time that he has been gone i have found it so hard to live without him." i choked on my tears "dan was my everything, i truly believe that someone put him in front of me that day and purposefully made him bump into me. that was the happiest day of my life. if only i had more time with him to have made him my husband." i let the tears roll down my face as i looked at his casket "i will miss you for the rest of my life, love." i touched the hard wood of his dark brown coffin, i opened the lid and put a ring on top of his chest "i'll see you in the afterlife." i stepped back so they could lower his casket. i sobbed loudly when it hit me, my true love was really gone, nothing could bring him back to me. i threw some dirt into his grave and went back to my spot next to my mum who then dropped dirt into dan's grave.

once everyone else had gone i sat down in the dirt and placed 2 roses on his grave, i looked at his headstone and wished that i had died instead.

now it was time for me to accept the fact he was...
gone