Letting Go: Shawna's Story

CHAPTER TWO

Once I was released from the hospital, I took him home and walked in to find a crib in my living room. I placed Marly into it and covered him with the blankets Ms. Marly gave me and then cut on the oven to heat up the place. I opened the card attached to the crib and automatically knew it was from Ms. Marly.

"I know you're a stubborn young girl, but I didn't do this for you, I did this for your child and don't even try to give it back to me because I'll just bring it right back. I can't wait to see him and hear his name. Love, Ms. Marly"

I made sure Marly was snug in his crib and ran across the hall. "Ms. Marly!" I yelled with excitement. "It's me!" I knew it took her time to get to the door at times, so I waited, but when she didn't respond I got scared, a cold chill ran up my spine. "Ms. Marly!" I shouted and kicked on the door. "Ms. Marly!"

"Shawna?" asked the elderly neighbor that lived next to her.

I turned to look at her with questions in my frightened eyes. I knew they played cards together some nights, she was never around that much but Ms. Marly told me she was a nice woman.

"Yes, where is Ms. Marly?" I asked when she shuffled slowly toward me.

"I'm sorry to tell you...." she began shaking her head sadly. "I'm sorry..."

I held my hand up to stop her from speaking. "Don't tell me, please don't say it..." I responded in disbelief and slowly slumped down to my knees at her door. The cold air that swept over me in the drafty hallway was unnoticeable. I began to cry and banged my head softly against her door.

"She passed away two days ago; I think that's when you went in the hospital..." She paused. "She was telling me that she couldn't wait to see the baby..." she touched my shoulder gently. "She passed away in her sleep"

"Where is she buried?" I choked on my tears.

"One minute, I'll get it for you" she replied and walked back into her apartment.

I wiped away my tears but continued to sit on the cold apartment hallway and waited for her to bring me back the information.

"Thank you" I said softly after she handed me a piece of paper.

"She didn't have any family, so the state cremated her" she said sympathetically. "Everything you need to know is on that paper" she sighed and I could tell she didn't want to leave me on the floor. "I just live right there, if you need anything don't be a stranger" She smiled weakly before she walked away.

I heard her door close gently before I pulled my body off the floor and walked back into my apartment with an open wound in my heart. I picked up Marly and wrapped him in the blue blanket Ms. Marly gave him and held him close to my heart before I cried. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.

It was freezing that night and I wasn't sure if Marly would be warm enough. I took everything I had and covered him with it and looked down at him sadly.

"I'm sorry for bringing you here, I'm so sorry..." I whispered and wrapped my coat tightly around me. I huddled next to his crib and waited for morning, determined he wouldn't see another cold night. "Don't forget me Marly, don't forget my voice" I whispered and leaned against his crib on the floor. "Please don't forget me..."