What people don't know

insecurity

Hi again,

I want to confess something... I'm an insecure piece of shit. I do this thing where I'll will act like a bitch to someone all the time. It's mostly people who I don't like and/or have done me wrong.

That's exactly what I do to this girl named Brianna. She's has been a bitch to me quite a bit. And even though she's stopped for now and hasn't talked to me for a while, I can't seem to let her be.

I think I do it because I don't understand how so many people like her. For example, there is this guy that I consider my 'guy best friend'. And he used to say I was one of his best friends too. But I've been replaced by Brianna.

And the reason this stings so much is that I hate being alone. I also can't handle being ignored. And the second reason is because I'm always a second choice. In my friendships someone is always liked more than me.

I'm always just there. And it feels like I'm being rejected and they just keep me there to be nice. I mean no one wants to play with a broken toy, right?

At this point I just end up building up a wall. I bottle up my emotions. I talk about how I don't like someone to our mutual friends. And all because I am afraid of being left alone and being left behind.

If I am rejected then I don't know how I will handle it. I don't want to get hurt or emotionally manipulated. And I think I subconsciously push others away for that exact reason. And so they can't hurt me.

Signing off 'til next time,
Me