there are moments that the words don't reach

739 26 5

by rueth_

by rueth_

July 29th.

"Bailey." Dad sat on my bed, poking my face lightly.
"What do you want to do today."
"Be sad." I shrugged, and he rolled his eyes.
"What would you have to be sad about?" I grabbed my dog tag necklace and tossed it to him.
One of the tags had a birth and death date.
"Oh." Dad was quiet for a minute. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I shook my head.
"Can I just hang out here today." Dad nodded.
"Did you ever, be honest, really have time to mourn? I know it's a little late but if you want you can do that today?"
"I didn't really. I was pushed into the system. They didn't really have time for a grieving child." I laughed a little.
"I wish I could take you to his grave. But it's too short notice to just go like that."
"Yeah I know."
"I'll take you next year, or we can go on his birthday."
"Ok." I whispered.
"I'm gonna go make breakfast for mom and Seb, do you want anything?" He asked.
"What are you making?" He shrugged.
"Whatever you want."
"Can you make me pancakes." I asked rolling over.
"Of course, Mija." Dad kissed my forehead. "I love you."
"Love you too." I called after him.
I stood up and walked to my closet.
You're only gonna feel worse if you don't get yourself together. I reminded myself.
"Dad!" I yelled. "I'm getting in the shower."
I grabbed my a pair of Nike Pro shorts and a random t shirt.
I turned on the water, and brushed my hair.
I jumped in the shower and made sure to take an actual shower. The last few showers have just been me standing there. So I actually took time to shave and wash my hair. And it felt really good.
I got out of the shower and put my clothes on. I quickly brushed my teeth and put lotion on.
I feel like an actual person today.
I walked back into my room, where Dad had left my food on my nightstand.
He had made me a smoothie too, strawberry banana I'm assuming because that's the only kind I like, except pineapple mango.
"Thank you Dad!" I yelled and ripped apart one of the pancakes.
They weren't the kind you put in the toaster and I smiled. Dad had been making the toaster kind for a while but these were the kind that you actually poured the batter or whatever.
I pulled out my phone and opened Twitter.
gone but never forgotten
i miss you ry💕
I tweeted. I almost didn't add the I miss you Ry part. But when I tweeted on his birthday saying, "I'll never forget you I love you so much💕😭" people thought dad died.
I rolled my eyes at the memory, taking a sip of the smoothie.
"You feel better?" Dad asked, coming in.
"Yeah, if felt good to take a shower and to be eating." He smiled.
"Do you want anything else." I took the last bite of pancake and set the plate on the nightstand.
"Can you just - hold me?"
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This sucked but I wanted to update lmao