❝missing spark❞ ➡ l.kook

12

i decided to go straight home. i changed my mind. i didn't do grocery today.

  

why buy food when i could just starve myself and die already?

i understand everything now. 
      
  

especially how stupid i was.

jungkook. 

all i did was to trust him with all my heart.

all along, i was just making a fool out of myself. i was blinded by my love for him.

it was actually too simple to realize what was happening. i was just dumb. i was too blinded by my love for him that despite of all the pain i've been though those two months, i still chose to believe that things would get better soon.
   
lisa, you really are a fucking idiot.

7 years have already passed and i can't....

i can't give him a child. 

of course, he wanted a child. i should've realized it before as i saw him looking at kids playing when we were on dates but...

...oh, it was all my fault.

i promised to do everything to make him happy and...

a daughter... a son... he wanted kids but i couldn't bear one.

a little version of him would make him happy and i couldn't give him one.

i cried and cried harder until the door went open and revealed my kookie, panting. 

"lisa..."

i just looked at him and cried again.

     
it hurts so much.
    

"if you weren't happy anymore, you could have said it, jungkook." 

"you could have told me and if you want, i could have left you and let you be with someone who could make you happy and give you kids."

"were you just waiting for me to give up on you?"

i covered my face. i couldn't breathe anymore.
      
 

"lisa, please listen to me- -

    
    

"YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME TO TELL ME EVERYTHING BUT YOU NEVER DID! YOU CHOSE TO IGNORE ME AS IF YOU WERE JUST LIVING BY YOURSELF AND I WASN'T EVEN YOUR WIFE!"

"I WAS ALWAYS WAITING FOR YOU TO OPEN UP! I COULDN'T INITIATE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU FOR IT WAS EITHER YOU WERE PISSED, DRUNK OR ASLEEP!"

"AND THAT HAPPENED AND NOW YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST LISTEN TO YOU?"

he didn't say anything and just stared back at me.

jeongyeon was right. leaving him wasn't a bad idea after all. it was for the best, for the both of us and... minhyuk.

perhaps,
    
   

my kookie doesn't need me anymore.

maybe i was wrong all along.
     
     

jungkook doesn't love you anymore.