As An Irwin

Northern Ireland

"Well holy fucking shit"

No one said a word

"This better be a fucking joke. Tell me this is a goddamned joke. Please oh god no" I stood up a started pacing the room. "Sorry to tell you Ashton, this is no joke. This is very serious Ashton."

"Okay okay okay, so I have a kid, what does Charlotte want some fuckin child support or something?" By the looks of everyone's faces she wants a lot more that $100 a week. " Ashton, 3 days ago Charlotte passed away. The only thing in her Will says that you will look after Christina if she dies."

I didn't say anything, still pacing back and forth I started contemplating my life. Man has it been shit recently, my band is losing popularity, we are releasing our last ever album soon, my fiance just broke up with me and  I have a kid.

A kid called Christina. That's a nice name. So I have a daughter, can I really be a Father though?

"Ashton, your daughter, Christina at the minute has a no family to look after her. And she is desperately hoping you will take her in, care for her. Now I now this is a shock"  a shock? Now where did you get that from? " but we need you to make a decision on whether you want to look after your daughter or not as soon as possible"

"So I don't have to? Like I have a choice on whether I take this kid or not? I don't have to" I ask, But the second I say it I feel terrible. " Yes Mr Irwin you do not have to but, just think about Christina. Your daughter. She has grown up without a father, you of all people should know how hard that is." The social worker replies. Putting it like that really clears things up for me.

Growing up without a father is shit. And Christina's already went 13 years without one. And I can't just leave her, she is my daughter. But can I really be a dad? Can I really look after her properly? What if I fuck up?

" What would happen to her, like if I didn't want to look after her. Where would she go?" I shouldn't be asking this, I should have said yes the second I heard about her, but can I really look after her? " Well if you do not take her, she will be put into foster care and she'll be moved from home to home until she is old enough to move out" sitting down in my chair now I start thinking about what her life would be like without me in it.

She would be moved from home to home, never having a decent family always being moved. No mother no father, no sister or brother. She is bound to get pretty lonely. And we all know the foster system isn't the best. I'm always hearing stories of kids who were abused and assaulted in foster care. There is no way I can leave this child. And if I do, then I really will have became my Father.

"Okay okay okay, so where is she? Can I see her? When will she be like, fucking moving in?" I ask the woman but before she can answer John buts in. "Ashton maybe you should take I little more time to think about this. I'm assuming that was your way of saying yes, but this is a big deal. Being a Dad, are you really up for it?"

Asshole

"Yes I know it's a big deal, But I can't leave a kid without a family can I? If I leave her then I will have become my Father. This might be my last chance of ever having a kid, seeing as I can't have kids according to the doctor. I will not just abandon my daughter."

I won't leave her, I refuse. I will not abandon my child and become my Father. I have always told myself I would always be there for my children. I never had to worry about having kids though. Around 5 years ago I found out it is almost impossible for me to have kids I'm not sure why something to with my balls, maybe they are just so damn big.... anyway, I never thought I'd be able to have kids so I'm not giving up this chance of being a Father.

Everyone in the room was silent for a second before everyone started arguing with eachother some against me looking after this kid and some for it. They started talking about the press and the fans so I zoned out and waited until they had finished with their usual bullshit.

"Look, I don't care what the media says, I don't care about publicity and I sure as hell don't care about what you lot say. That is my daughter it's my decision, not yours. I'm not abandoning the kid. I refuse. If you lot  aren't happy with it then you can all go and fuck off." By the time I finished the room was in silence. Only two men look unhappy, the other 5 looked happy enough.

" Mr Irwin there are some things you should know about Christina before you go through with this adoption" the social worker piped up. Oh god, this sounds bad. " Christina does have a few health problems" she paused for a second and took a look at everyone in the room, her eyes glaring at the two men with looks of disgust of their faces. " To start of with, Christina is partially deaf, but she has hearing aids for that, this also isn't really a medical thing but she does have a bit of a stutter."

Okay well, I can deal with that. That's not too bad. It's not bad at all, I can totally deal with that.

Okay I can deal with this I can. "Okay so, like can I see her? When can I meet her?" I ask, desperate to meet my daughter. I've got 13 years to make up for.  " Well, she is currently in Northern Ireland. As you might know Ms Bell's parents were from Northern Ireland so when she left you 14 years ago she went home and has stayed there ever since. She will be flying out in 2 days"

Well that's unexpected. Northern Ireland? She's going to have a cool ass accent. " two days okay and what will she be like moving into my house immediately or?" Jesus there's so much I need to do, do I even have a spare bed? " Yes, well the adoption will take a few months so until then you will just be considered her foster parent. The plan is that you will collect her at the airport,bring her home, then I will be out to talk to her within a day or two" she replies briskly. Right, okay. I can do this. 2 days. Two days to prepare for a teenage girl.

I can do this, right?