catastrophe ➵ clifford

➥ michael's journal

june thirteen ; eight twenty three am

it's been nearly a month since the game day dance celebration thing whatever, i still think about that one girl. i never got her name, but lately they've been letting me listen to music and stuff. supervised of course. it's been helping me get used to being here, but still it's driving me crazy. i feel like i see shadows and things moving in the  hallways or along the walls. it's probably just my mind playing tricks on me. like, why wouldn't it be? i'm not crazy. i don't belong here. i swear, yanno?

the only reason i got put in this damned place is because i wanted to be with jane, but clearly that's not happening. not until i'm old and wrinkled. God put us all on this planet for a reason, and i'm here cause he kept me here, and i couldn't be more grateful. i've been thinking more about why i did it. maybe there's a specific reason as to why i'm actually here? i feel like i'm here to meet someone special. someone like a lifechanger? i could sure use someone like that. people usually stare at my wrists. pathetic.

i wish the ugly scars would go away. but sometimes i feel lost without them, it's depressing really. but i try to look at the bright side of things. like oh- wait, the nurse is here! what a surprise, she said she'd be back in a half an hour to retrieve a note back to this lady - the girl! oh my gosh! she wrote me! she wrote me a note! i'm so happy, i'm so estatic! 

hey, i saw a while ago your staring

it was pleasant, you clearly caught my eye & i hope you caught mine

 was she flirting? i can't tell. i haven't flirted with anyone in such a long time, nor has anyone flirted with me. nobody ever really flirted with me either. i was used to it. i was the more of the guy to be put in the friendzone type. that's always really been me. // the hours have been dragging on and i haven't replied i just don't know what to say! oh goodness, help, please help, i need to know what to say. she was so beautiful, she probably just wants to be my friend but even then i can not risk her. she is far too beautiful, she is great.

that day was nice, wasn't it? you danced well

of course you caught my eye 

beauty isn't something er - casual around here

i haven't caught her name! oh gosh, oh goodness. i was so happy but so confused at the same time, is this possible? i need to meet her again, maybe the nurse can sneak us out to the small park. only people who behave for a long while get to go out there, supervised though. of course she'd probably give us space? that'd be great. would it be considered a date? maybe i could write her a poem, maybe i could write her a song?

would she really appreciate it? what would i even say? oh my goodness, i'm not good at writing poems, or maybe i am? i can play the guitar. i can sing her a song. maybe she'd fall in love just by that? oh golly, goodness, am i falling too fast? too quick? michael stop. stop being a fucking idiot. calm the fuck down. i need coffee, i haven't had a cup in so long. oh lordy, lordy, help help help! nurse would be coming back soon - oh matter a'fact, here she is. one sec, journal! i mean jane, oh no.

i've been so distraught, i need lots of help. i need to focus, i'm going to go mad. i need music. i asked nurse for music. i haven't talked to any of the crazies in a long while either. but that's good right? maybe i need rest, journal - jane. i will ask nurse to play something sweet on the overhead radio. it'll be nice. then i can fall asleep and wait for my note back from the sweetest girl ever. oh my - i don't even know her name! how will i understand? i'll ask her when she writes back! 

goodnight, jane. sleep tight.

yay this is so cute i think oh you guys are gonna hate me for the very ending of this story itll probably make you cry a little bit but i hope you all enjoy this & check out tragic maybe? i have a good story plot line for that but yeah thank youuuu. can i get some feedback? muah muah