⚠️TW!! SELF HARM IS DISCUSSED IN THIS BOOK⚠️
Miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage, you and Ashton have almost gaven up on trying. It's not until you began to throw up and you've missed your monthly calling, when you suspect that you maybe...
*These boys are complete idiots!!!! Sorry for the boys swearing in the video......*
(Your POV) Ashton and I were just cuddling on the couch watching some old keeks that he and 5sos had done in past years. "I swear I married an idiot." I joked. "Since when was I an idiot?" He replied starting to get to my ticklish spot........ my stomach. "Well.... Michael is more of the idiot. It says in his shirt in the Don't Stop music video." I replied trying not to laugh. "How did you become extremely shady all of a sudden?! Shade queen alert! Shade queen alert!" He yelled and pointed to me. I rolled my eyes and lightly elbowed him in the balls. Then the tickle match was on. Laughs filled the room of both Ashton and I. When the tickle match was over I was the first one to talk. "Could we please try for another baby Ash?" "I don't think I'm ready just yet..... I don't want you to have another miscarriage again." He replied. "Please Ash. I want to have a little you or me running around the house, and we haven't tried in almost a year. The last time I was pregnant was in December of 2015." "No I'm sorry baby..... but I don't think we're ready to conceive at the moment..... at least I'm not." He sat up and said. "I'm sorry.... but we're still pretty young." "Yeah but Ash-" "I don't think we're ready for a child yet!" He raised his voice at me..... he's rarely ever done that. "BUT WE WERE YOUNG ASHTON!!!" I yelled as I got off of him and tears came to the edge of my eyes. "WE STARTED TO TRY WHEN I WAS EIGHTEEN, NINETEEN AND TWENTY!!!" I stormed upstairs with my coffee and I sat on the window ledge in an empty room. How could Ashton not see that I wasn't 18 anymore and that I'm now 22 and he's 23. It's still hard to believe that both Ashton and I were born in same day, but a year apart. I then saw little kids and their parents having a good time, and thinking that could've been Ashton and I with our two boys and our little girl if I hadn't miscarriaged the three of them. I started to cry.
(Ashton's POV) I immediately started to feel guilty as I looked at the blank screen of the television. I saw a guy who seemed like he hated children and wanted nothing to do with them. "What the hell is wrong with me." I said to myself. I looked over to a wall that had three ultrasound photos of the children that Y/N had miscarriages with. I seemed to Y/N that I didn't want children.... but I'm reality I wanted a child so bad that I didn't want to risk losing one again due to the fact that three others had died. "I gotta go apologize to her before she gets even more pissed at me." I said to the blank screen. I stood up and went upstairs to where I heard her soft little cries. I stood in the doorway as she spoke to herself. "What's wrong with me. I can't even conceive a healthy child for Ashton to have. If only he would've listened to me, he would've understood why I wanted another one." She gripped her cup while wrapping her arms around her legs and continued to stare into space.
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How does she make everything look like it's either out of a movie or a magazine? Her messy hair and morning look is her best look to me personally. "Y/N?" I heard myself say. She didn't look over to me..... just continued to stare into a land of nothing. "Listen, darling. I do want another child with you.... it's just that..... I'm scared if you were to have another miscarriage. I don't want you to deal with what you had done in the past." I then felt a tear on my cheek as I rested on the door frame. This was supposed to the the nursery for the children. She then looked at me with tears spilling out of her eyes, her eyes were really puffy and red from crying and she was shaking. She had her hands covered with her sleeves, as she set down her cup she came over to me and started to cry a waterfall. All I could do was rub her back and tell her that it was ok. "If you want a child really bad. I don't mind trying again. I think that we'll be lucky this time." I said rubbing her back. "Ok." She said as she jumped onto me and I carried her to our bed.
