You won't feel a thing
It was then I realized that what we have was really over.
It was just a normal thursday afternoon when you sent me a message asking me out. I, who missed you alot, agreed and so I wished that the time will go faster so I could meet you already. Then our dismissal came, I hurriedly go to our meeting place and found you nowhere there. Maybe your class isn't done yet? So I waited for you. You said you'll be here by 4 pm but it's already 4:30 and you're still not here. So I dialed your phone. "The subscriber cannot be reach. Please try your call later." For the fifth time... you didn't answer your phone. Maybe he still have a prof and they're having a lecture...so again, I waited for you. Even though it's not my thing but I did. It's darn 5 pm and I'm close to finishing the book that I'm writing but you're still not here. Where the hell are you? I'm getting tired of waiting. I started counting 1-50 saying if I reached 50, and you're still not here then I'm really going to leave. I'm on the 25th number when you called and I immediately forgot about all the ignores and waiting you gave me when you said you're near. I said "okay, I'm just sitting here. Waiting for you." Then you hung up. I put my gaze up at every person who pass by me, hoping that it'll be you. Until finally, you stood there infront me. Finally you're here. I want to get mad and all but when you smiled at me and asked me where I want to go, everything vanished. All the wait feels worth it. Why will I get mad if he didn't ditch me afterall? I said, "wherever you want to. Anywhere's fine with me." Then you said "okay then, let's go and buy my book first then we'll enjoy the rest of the day together, hmm?" And there, your smile intoxicated me again. I nod and followed you. We're strolling at the mall near our meeting place when you noticed that I'm carrying quite a lot of things. (Well, it's just my jacket and my lunchbag but hey, that's still sweet, at least for me it is.) You offered to bring my bag and I let you. Then you said "let's go to ***mall instead. It'll be better to stroll there. There's a lot of shops and arcade and stuffs. What d'you say?" Again... I agreed. You see, everything's fine with me as long as I'm with you. And so we did go to that mall. We stroll, we even checked for facial and skin carr products that you're using which honestly, makes me think that you're gay for a second. Remember when I asked you in whisper my speculation? I asked, "Are you gay? You know it's okau for me if you are one. I have a lot of gay friends so it's okay to come out." Then you chuckled and lean a little closer ti me then whispers.. "the truth is... I'm korean." Then you laughed and we head outside. I wanted to wring your neck for a minute there but hey! That's humorous and you got me there ahaha! We checked for clothes too and when we passed by one picture of a female korean model. Then you pointed her and said "see that? That is my type of girl. KOREAN." Then you checked for sweatshirts. I followed you and said "huh! I'm prettier than that girl. Duh!" Then you just chuckled. I was searching for clothes that might suit me when I saw a picture of my model crush and I thought maybe I should rub on your face that you're not my type and so I did. I called you up and pointed the picture of my crush and say, "that, rabbit, is my type of guy. He's my friggin' crush actually." Then you scoffed and said "that?! Psh. He's not even handsome. I'm way better than that guy. Huh!" I just shook my head and was about to ignore you when you said "I'll tell you a secret." And so I get near you and asked for what is it and you said the most irtitating thing ever. "I am often mistaken as Gong Yoo. Huh! I'm that handsome ahahaha!" I wasn't able to stop myself so I end up pulling your hair and we both laugh. We were like kids playing out there and having just fun. Then we strolled again and entered a bookstore. We were just looking for good books and you even recommended some books to me then you asked me if we can stay for a little while. I agreef though. You know I will always do. I love being with you. And so again we strolled. We enteres an arcade and look for fun things to play on then we left and whenever we were on a scalator, wether up or downwards, you put your chin on my shoulder while staring at me and heck! You make my heart skip a bit there! Then while we were walking, you were teasing me nonstoo so I walkes a lityle faster so I won't be able to hear your words but I was kinda taken aback when you held my arm to stop me and said "wait. I'm just teasing." Then your hand that was on my arm just then slides down to my hand. And now, we were walking hand in hand. We didn't even let go even though we were in the escalator and you were behind me. I was feeling so giddy and my heart's pounding fast. I wanna hug you there and then but I chose not to. I don't wanna end these things yet. Then when we were inside the van (you know, our mode of transportation) we were talking about stuffs then you snatched my phone and looked through my stuffs exept my gallery coz it's protected by password. You asked me to open in and I said "No" you were insisting but I still refused. Then righy when I thought you gave up, coz you were so silent there, but no you didn't! In fact you found a way to look through my pictures! Well, you found a way through my photo editor and so yeah. I just let you. Well, there's nothing yo hide anyway. And then you saw a picture of me with a guy then you askes who he is. I answered "nah. He's just an asshole." Then you shut up. You gave me back my phone and I said "can I lean on your shoulder? I'm kinda sleepy." You said "sure, go on." And so I did. You leaned on me as well. Then after some seconds (well, I'm sure it isn't a minute yet) you asked about the guy again and held my hand. You intertwine our hands to be exact. And I answeres the same thing. But you keep on insisting to know whi he is so I answered. I said "he's an asshole. He cheates on me for a girl with bigger boobs. Well, I'm sorry for not having big boobs but nah. I moved on already so yeah." And you just nodded. Then afterwards said "it's his loss. He cheated on someone like you when it's already you right here." And that my dear, is the best thing I ever heard. You just swept me off right there. Then we were silent for some minutes and talked a little. Then out of the blue you leaned neae my face and I knew right there that I'll be damned. And so I did the moment we kissed. It lasted for seconds but hell I enjoyed it. Then we kissed again not minding the other passengera who might be looking at us. Then we smiled at each other and you leaned my head on your shoulder. I was so silent there for I was shocked and giddy at the same time. Then you kissed my forehead and I turned my gaze to you. You then kissed my forehead again down to the side of my eye to my cheek to my lips once again and I must confess that that moment, I officially fallen deep. We were just like that the rest of the ride and when we reaches our stop, you asked me to wait for a little while for you will just buy something. And so I did. Then you offered to walk me home but you weren't able to for I was about to be fetched by my brother so instead you walk me to the convenience store instead where I'll wait for my brother. You kissed the top of my and bid goodbye. Little did I know that that would be the last time we'll be together. Days passed and we never talkes anymore. Well, more like you never talked to me. You ignored my calls and messages and even my birthday greeting. I thought you were just busy but I saw you one night outside with your friends and you acted as if you didn't know me and passed by me as if you didn't saw me looking at you right there. You.. just broke my heart and you didn't even feel a thing or a bit of my pain. I wanna hurt you. Punch you in the face, scratch your skin, curse you to death but then I realizes that I'm in no position to do that. We're not even a thing to start with. So I chose to go on with my life. I'm still hurting but I kept waiting for you to come back because you promised me before that you'lk always come back for me. Whatever happens, you will come back. But shit. I forgot that promises are made to be broken and my dear, I may be a fool for uo until now, I'm still here. Waiting and hurting while you're out there, somewhere probably with someone else not even feeling a thing about how I am pained. And let me say this.... "Fuck you but hell I love you and soon the day will come when I can finally move on and forget about you."
