My hot breath reached the window causing a small explosion of fog to spread across it. The familiar smell of dew and harsh rain could not even calm me as we pulled into my mother's house's driveway.
In the few, short months I lived in Florida, I must have forgotten how the old porch swing used to be a little lower on one side or how the sun would set right over the tree near my bedroom window making the whole room light up with vibrant greens and golds. How could I have forgotten about Macey, an old neighborhood cat, that has lived in our front yard forever?
Our small town in Washington seemed smaller than I remember; more dead. When we drove past the old grocery store I used to work at, I could not tell you where a damn thing would be off the top of my head, and I spend all tenth grade summer memorizing ever inch of that store. It was never suppose to be like this. Losing myself. How could I have fallen so far?
I'm lost. I only made it through five months of college and I lost everything. Everything. My friends, my family, my job, my scholarship, my sense of right and wrong, my hope. Leave it to me to leave the nest with a bang.
I traced a childish 'Sarah' on the fogged glass before hopping out of my mothers pick up truck and landing my feet on the ground with a dull thud. I grab my luggage from the cab without any help from my mother, or even a glance. I've never sense the woman so upset with me, or anyone really; she tended to be very forgiving and understanding. She did not say anything to me the whole ride from the airport or look at my or say 'hi' to me. I messed up and she is going to make me figure out my problems by myself this time.
*5 months earlier*
"This is our time to make our mark, be adults, be brave, be daring." Savannah said balancing the back legs of her chair so the front legs were off the ground, a trick I never mastered.
"Be daring? The most daring thing you have ever done was accidentally steal a roll from the lunch line." Not that I have much room to speak.
"I'm serious."
"So am I."
"Sarah."
"Savannah."
"Tell me you don't want to make an impact. That you don't want to go further than this bore of a town. Be braver than our parents would ever be?" She sat her chair on the ground and looked me right in the eyes. Savannah has always been an overly dramatic person, dragging out her words and making loud scenes in public.
We settled into an uncomfortable silence as we both stare into a sea of student in our school lunch room. Four years of not-so-hell is almost over and I'm an adult with no direction in my life. I was never one to go overly above and beyond but I was not a slacker which resulted in a few scholarships for me so I can pick a good college.
"I'm going to Florida" I looked into her eyes trying to find the lie that I knew was not there.
"Florida? What's in Florida?" My eye brows furrow as I try to think about any of her family members that could live there. She wasn't planning on going to college at all more or less in Florida as far as I knew.
Spending the summer in Florida might be good for her.
"A life I want. I can't keep looking at the same dull town. You know I was never built for this place, I was not made for boring" In a small place in my heart I always knew no matter how often we would talk about moving into homes next door and raising our kids together, she would never stay. It was in her nature. She will leave one day, whether it's tomorrow or in ten years from now. She's lucky and she one of the one who can get away. "Then one day I might even move to New York and join Broadway or marry an old guy or even, even... become a stripper!"
A stripper?
I tried hard not to laugh at this comment considering Savannah is one of those girls you see at the lake that practicly swims fully clothed. AS, hard as I wanted to, I cant 'ruin' her moment.
"I'll miss you." The tears almost left her eyes.
"Come with me, be my best friend forever." I've never seen her urge so hard, gripping my arm so hard her french manicure digging into my skin.
What do you say in a situation like this?
Some of us arn't meant to leave.
I want to.
Maybe.
Yes.
I wanted one of those to come out of my mouth. I'm weak, I'm not brave. So I did what all cowards do.
I said no.
*******
