Summer Secrets | E.D

13|"my heart hurt"

| Ethan |

"You ready?"

"Yes."

"First secret..." I say.

My eyes closed slowly while I said this.

"I've been in 10 relationships, and I've cheated on every single girl that I've been with." my heart sank as I said this.

She's not going to trust me, ever.

She didn't say anything, probably expecting the next secret.

"I've tried to run away before. Not a simple stupid run away. I was gone for 2 weeks, last summer." I could feel her eyes look up at me.

"The only person who tried to find me was, Grayson. My parents didn't care, they think I'm a fuck up. I felt so lost, I thought the only resolution was to disappear." I whispered the last part.

She's going to think I'm a fuck up.

She still didn't say anything, so I went on to the third one.

"I lied when we played ',never have I ever'. I didn't put my finger down when stealing was mentioned." I took a deep breathe.

"I stole beer from a gas station, once."

She's going to think I'm a criminal.

Finally, it was my last secret for the night.

I gasped for air, being sick to stomach. I'm disgusted with myself.

"I dated a girl named Meredith. I used her for sex. And, that's it. I didn't even know her last name. I seduced her and talked to her, and I hated it. I'd look her in the eyes, and I'd tell her that I loved her. I didn't love her. She was just good for my ego, she just made me feel better about my miserable life, but I didn't love her. All I wanted was sex. Once, I got it, I left her. I cheated." Iris' arm slowly gets off my chest.

"Even though I took her virginity and cheated on her, she forgave me. I didn't fucking deserve forgiveness. She came to my house one night. I told her I wouldn't date her again unless she had sex with me that night. I did not pressure her. It was not rape. She told me she wanted it. And, once I got what I wanted, I kicked her out. I left her, again. The next night, I slept with another girl."

She's going to think I'm using her.

A tear rolled down my eye. I shouldn't be the one crying. The ones who should be, is all the girls lives I ruined. I broke their hearts. I took their innocence and left.

I ruined all those girls output on love. I completely and utterly obliterated everything.

I've never been more angry with myself.

By now, her arm was fully off me.

I sat up, putting my hands to my face, gasping for air.

She still hasn't said anything, she was lost in the stars.

I could barely see her eyes, but they looked like they were asking for help.

Asking for help because she fell for me and now she knows. Knows what I'm capable of.

"I'm different, Iris. I changed. Please don't think I'm that same person."

I wiped another tear off my cheek. In my head I was begging for her to say something.

Shs finally sat up.

"I think I need to go, thank you for tonight, Ethan." She said standing up.

My heart hurt.

I stood up too, grabbing her wrist.

"No, Iris please stay with me. I'm sorry, I'm different now. I know the difference between right from wrong," by now I was in a full face of tears.

She sniffles, I think she was crying too.

"You're just saying that, Ethan", she whispered.

She took away from my grip. My heart hurt even more.

She started walking away and I scurried in front of her.

I try to pull her in my arms for a hug, I needed to feel her touch, I feel so hurt.

She pushes me off aggressively.

"Fuck off, Ethan!" She screamed.

My heart broke.

"Iris?" I muttered.

"You're manipulating me! You're using me for your little game, Ethan! Well you sure are fucking good at it! Because I fucking fell for you! I fell for you!" She points her finger in my chest hard, and I let her.

I just stood there in disbelief taking in everything she was saying.

"Thank you for telling me this, Ethan. Thank you! So now I know how you were going to leave me. You know, seduce me, like how you did tonight. Tell me you like me, like how you did tonight. Then, I'll let you have sex with me, and you'll say you love me or some stupid shit. Then you're going to fucking leave me and stick your dick in some bitch! Because that's the kind of person you are! Don't try to ever talk to me again, Ethan." she stood in front of me, both of us with tears running down our faces.

"If I was still the same person I was one year ago, I wouldn't have told you all this. I would've gotten impatient over these couple of days, and I would've told you straight up, I'm here for sex. I wouldn't have spent this effort into talking to you. I would've been sleeping with other girls on the side at the same, I'd be trying to get you."

I grab her wrist again.

"Please,"

I need her.

"I can't", she whispered, leaving me there, heartless.

My first time feeling heartache.