Judge Me

S1E10: Faint Of Heart

S1E10: Faint Of Heart Pt. 1

Jax held me tightly in his arms and I brushed my fingers down his face as he slept. Earlier he had left to take care of some club business and I was left alone but he made it up to me over and over until I just couldn't do anything but sleep. Now I just can't understand how he could sleep after such a night out. I press a kiss to his stubbly chin and get out of bed to pull on my clothes.

"Where you going?", he mumbled sleepily.

I zip my pants and turn around after pulling on the shirt. He has used his elbows to sit up a little but I can barely make out his face in the dark room with just a hint of moonlight peeking in.

"I shouldn't have done this here. On the plane was different, but here it's just like rolling around in a sty."

"My mom washes the sheets every single day, Stasi."

"I'm sure she does but until I can say that I'm the only one that has slept in a bed with you then I won't accept it. Especially with girls running all around here."

"I'll get a new bed," he shrugged as if that made it any better.

I shook my head leaning forth to peck him on the lips.

"Once we have our own place free from the tainted then I'll consider it but Jax... I don't like it."

"I understand."

With a wave of my hand, I headed out the door and walked through the clubhouse which just looked like a hurricane hit and it was pretty disgusting with girls walking around with their asses hanging out with beers in hand.

I got into my car and left to go home promising myself that I would start looking for homes right after my shop was opened and running.

//

Michaela and Kessa were stretched out on the living room couch with the TV on some mindless cartoon shows. I decided to go shower and maybe spend the day with my younger sister if she didn't have any plans.

When I returned all comfy, I grabbed some ice cream and two spoons.

"Long time...", Mickey said absently as she took a spoon with a soft smile. She just seemed depressed all of a sudden.

"What's wrong with you?"

She shrugged but I could clearly see the storm brewing in her face.

"Mick, I know something's wrong. Is it the guys? Did Juice do anything to hurt you?"

"No, Stasi. Juice is actually nice even though I hate calling him that. I like to call him Bugs."

"Okay.... Well what's the deal?", I asked taking some ice cream off top and setting it on the arm rest between us.

"School. I have to go back there and then I have to go to college."

"You're 18, right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No, buts. No one can make the decision except for you, Mickey Mouse. Say for example, if I had stayed home instead of going off to college the exact moment I was expected to?"

Mickey cleared her throat.

"You just up and left one day, Stasi. You didn't give us that chance to say goodbye."

"It would have hurt more."

"How so?"

"Jax and I were already falling apart because he was being pulled in the direction of the club. His mom and I had a love hate relationship. And to top it off, I didn't know where I fit anymore. So I left so the goodbyes wouldn't trigger me. Home is home and my heart wasn't ready to leave the nest but I forced myself to for a change and to prove to myself that I didn't need to hold onto something that was cracking before my eyes. I got to make my future."

"I'm lucky to have you as a sister. You are the sweetest, most generous, genuine, and loyal person I have ever met besides myself," she said with a very light heart and I could do nothing more than hug her.

Kessa barked and we glanced around to see where she had gone off to. She sat at my mom's feet as the older woman held suitcases in her arms.

"Mom, where you going?", I asked already feeling strange.

She seemed shaken and nervous and I think it most likely had something to do with the things we talked about in secret. She just smiled but it wasn't her usual look of reassurance.

"I'm going away for a couple of weeks."

"But, Mom-"

"Michaela, I have a cell phone and I'm taking my laptop so you can video chat and talk and text me every single day. There are some things that I can't mention right now but I have gotta go before your Dad gets back."

I sighed heavily.

"Why does everyone in this house thinks it is okay to leave your family behind?! I'm sick of this shit!", Mickey yelled as she stood up and headed upstairs before either my Mom or me could try to calm her down.

"Stasi, you have to understand."

"And I do... But I'm really not sure leaving us behind is the right answer. Michaela is really going through something and she doesn't want to talk about it but she has issues with abandonment."

"I would never."

"I know and she knows that but her mind and every single occasion that we leave her just tells her differently."

My mother hugged me knowing I would keep the family strong and together but I knew as soon as I told my Dad where she had went, he'd follow behind her on a plane. They were ride or die for each other like that. I don't understand why we have to constantly remind them.

//

The day progressed with Kessa and Mickey staying locked up in her room. I decided to video chat with Blue and his dad before going out to ride the horses.

My Dad was there when I went to hitch Tyson and get him fed and groomed for the day.

"Where's your mother? I came home and she was gone. Did she say anything about running errands or something?"

"Daddy...", I hesitated to continue.

"Nastasia, what's going on?"

He never called me by my full name unless he was worried or upset. I think it was a mixture of both by the frown on his face.

"She left, Dad. But she'll be back. I know she will."

"How do you know? Why did she leave? Why didn't she tell me?", he had a million and one questions but I could only answer one.

"She'd never leave me or Mickey without our mother for long."

"I'm going to-"

"Stay, Dad. You need to stay here with Mickey and me. She's having a hard time with all of this and I just know that Mom is coming back."