Church was today. I saw Leo of course. Today's sermon was about the Virgin Mary and how her virginity made her appeasing to god.
Virgin means that you haven't had sex. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like. Sometimes I think about Leo in a lusty sinful way and feel shame and guilt but also pleasure.
I have to keep this note book hidden. If my brothers, sisters, or parents ever found this I would be shunned. I'm to lustful...
it's hard to write and be secretive given I share a room with all my sisters, so I go to the back yard with the rocking chair. But I don't sit in it, because someone could see me. So I sit under the porch.
Sometimes me and my sisters will talk about church, our work, and other personal things, but once a man comes home we cannot speak unless we are spoken to. Or we're not supposed to, sometimes I forget.
Whenever I forget I get yelled at.
Liam the second oldest boy is the harshest out of my brothers. He once sent me to my room for days without food for asking him to take off his shoes because I just cleaned.
I am going to the store tomorrow because what we can't make ourselves we have to buy, so i need to buy beef and eggs. Maybe I'll get something for myself, a little treat if i can.
