Different // Narry

24

NJH

Love. I thought Love is Harry. I thought my happiness was Harry. I thought life would be so much more fun if its Harry in it. Its hard to tell what am I feeling right now because everything seems like a mess to me. I feel nothing. I feel emptiness inside my heart.

I glance towards my shoulder where Liam lays and i feel nothing. Its weird because an hour ago my heart race like a drum roll when i look at him but its not the same as now. I feel nothing when i look at him. I thought maybe i'm falling for Liam, but i guess i was wrong. I don't like Liam like that. I like the way to feel wanted. I like the way someone stop me from going. I like the way to be cherished. Maybe that's why i stop when Liam hugged me and told me to stay. Maybe that's why my heart race.

And about Harry. I'm not quiet sure either. Harrys name keep spinning in my mind like a disco ball. Am in love with him? Or am i just in love with the feeling? Am in love with his green eyes or am i just in love with the way he look at me?

Its complicated.

I need to make it sure that i am in love with him. I need to clarify my own feelings. So i move Liam's head from my shoulder gently and stand up straightly. I pick my phone from my pocket and call Harry as soon as i unlock it.

"Hey"

The other person in the phone talk with his crusty thick accent. My heart beat stop. I feel so guilty for bailing.

"Harry" i finally speak with my calm tone as i scratch the back of my neck "Can i meet you right now, there is something that i need to clarify" I finally breath out as i close my eyes noticing that i finally say the things that i want.

"Yeah sure. I'll be waiting at the beach" his tone seems so calm but yet so sad. His tone somehow resembles his numb soul. The way that he breath almost made me want to hug him across the phone.

Before i could end the call, his voice called my name "Niall. I need to clarify something too" And i cant help but to let out a small sigh.

"Jinx then" I laugh before cutting off the line between us two.

I turn my head towards Liam who is still sleeping soundly. I stretch my lips into a smile. He's a good friend. But i really cant see him more than that. I tap his shoulder slowly not wanting him to wake up. Quickly, i walk towards the apartment door while i try to fix my shoes. After everything seems to be perfect, i open the door and walk towards the parking lot.

My mind keep asking the same question over and over again. Is my feelings for Harry real? Thats what really confused me. I cant answer that question even though i've been thinking about it since 2 hours ago.

I open my car door and start the engine. I drove away from the parking lot a little bit more faster than i used to. I jut notice how hard i've been holding the  tears because right now, they're flowing from my eyes to my cheeks like a waterfall.

I feel so sad to not know my own feelings. I need to make things clearer. I need to know more about this thing called 'love'. Such a strange word where people like to use it as their happiness. If Harry is really Love then i will never question about my feelings again. But if Harry is just my thought of love, then i will be leaving him and our past behind.

Yeah.

I will leave Canada and everything behind and start a new life. If Harry is not real love, then i'll be going just like i planned. I don't want Harry to hang around me anymore. He's too gorgeous and too perfect to stay with someone like me. He need someone better. Dave. Yeah. Dave is way far more better than me.