The First Lady's Choice

Chapter Eleven

State of denial, depressing...

Ever since I had to make the hard decision to part ways and end my friendship with Tre, my mind has been questioned whether it was the right choice. Seriously, that could only be the devil playing tricks on me. Why would I question my marriage and want to choose my friendship instead? The feelings I was experiencing after that first kiss with Tre shouldn't have sent my emotions through the roof like this. Surely, there has to be another explanation.

My heart feels heavy, I feel almost like I did after my father passed away. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to talk to anyone. At this time, I am welcoming the silence from inside my home being that my husband is never home. When he does come in, there isn't enough fight left in me to say anything about his absence. All the signs point in one direction and thankfully, I'm not that dumb that I don't notice the difference.

William is cheating and I don't need anyone to clarify that for me anymore. It would have been nice to get that one piece of reassurance from Tre but other than that, I know. The people in the church don't even bother with the pitying looks anymore or at least I don't notice them. If anything, their outlook on me seems to have changed because I am treated with a bit more respect from some that steered clear of me since the first time I arrived.

Those few stragglers that are always so quiet and kept to themselves have actually started to embrace me. A warm hug, an encouraging word, and genuine compassion surround the air when around them. There are many women that I figured wanted to catch William's eye and knew that was the reason for the cold shoulder. Those same women seem all too happy lately as if they know I am no longer a contestant in his game show.

That is seriously depressing to know your husband who vowed to love and cherish you could care less about you. How sad is it that as a woman, I can't make my husband happy or make him want to be faithful? With so many unanswered questions, miserably, I don't even have the fight left in me to seek out the answers. Obviously not desperate enough to hire someone to give me proof, seeing as though here I sat quiet as a church mouse, literally waiting for the answers to drop into my lap.

"Earth to Megan," my worker Amy gained my attention.

"What can I do for you Amy?"

"I should be asking you that question but I don't think you would tell me anyway."

"..." A sad smile was all I could muster at her true statement.

"All I ask is that you take it easy on those roses you have been butchering for the past few hours. I know I don't pay for anything in here but I would seriously recommend a less expensive anger management hobby." At her statement, I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out because the mess before me was not very appealing.

"Maybe I should just go."

"That would be nice seeing as though you are handling some sharp tools. I don't want to meddle or be on your bad side but I am worried about you. Actually we all are I just drew the short straw so I had to be the spokesman."

"You should be a comedian, ma'am." I laughed out again.

"Just trying to lighten the mood around here," she said solemnly.

"Thank you, I will see you guys later."

"I hope whatever is troubling you, it gets better. You are in our prayers."

"Thank you."

Leaving out of the building, I just sat in the car for a while for I didn't feel like doing anything else. Going home to the lonely place where I lay my head just didn't sound real appealing. Being on non-speaking terms with Tre wasn't helping situations. I hadn't worked out since Miss Ruby died and going to his gym would just be punishment of the most harsh. Instead of wishing to see a friend, I should be thinking about my husband.