Return to Me

Nineteen

In the passed twenty four hours, I've never felt so scared in all my life. The second time I've ever been so scared was the day I had to leave Jack and Seattle behind and move to Chicago, but this doesn't top the present. Not by a long shot.

The plane shakes. Damn, turbulence. I've had easier plane rides and every time it shakes, I want to run to the bathroom. Instead, I clutch onto my armrest and squeeze my eyes shut, waiting for the turbulence to seize. When it does, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. But then again, I've been holding my breath a lot in the last twenty four hours..

After taking the pregnancy test and waiting the longest three minutes I've ever experienced in my life, the results nearly knocked me off my feet. I don't think I moved for a good two minutes, just staring at that little test. 

Pregnant.

I'm pregnant and I'm terrified.

When I told Liz the results, she left one of the college girls, Becca, in charge of the cafe while she took me to a doctor's office. Which just so happened to be the hospital. We passed Amber on our way in and she followed us into the exam room I was assigned. I couldn't speak when she started asking questions, so Liz answered for me and I was grateful for her. However, when Amber asked if she should call Jack, I finally found my voice.

"No! Don't call him! Don't tell him anything and I mean it!" I say, staring at my two friends, making sure they understood my request. They both nodded and I knew that I could trust them to keep their word. I'd tell Jack on my own time, when it was right.

I'm six and a half weeks pregnant. With this news, it explains why I've been feeling so sick for half of the day and fine later on. The joys of morning sickness. The doctor said I need to start taking some prenatal vitamins and that the local drugstore should have them in stock.

Now, here I am on a plane, waiting to land in Seattle where my parents will be picking me up. They were so excited when I called and asked if I could stay with them for the weekend. I'm sure Mom has the entire weekend planned out when I'm not out doing maid of honor duties with Emily and the rest of the bridesmaids. I still can't believe I 'll be back here in two weeks for Emily's wedding.

A thought then occurs to me. I'm not going to fit into my dress. I've gained a little weight, not much, but enough that my dress is going to be tight. What am I going to do? Emily wants mermaid style dresses and mine is going to be hard to fit in. What am I going to tell Emily? Or the seamstress? I'm going to be letting my friend down when I tell her I can't be in her wedding party anymore. My stomach rolls and I rush out my seat and into the plane bathroom, hurling for what feels like the thirtieth time since I got up this morning.

***

The plane finally lands at the Seattle airport at 12:30. All the passengers slowly make their way off and into the building where our luggage and families wait. I can see my parents waiting anxiously for me near the gate and as soon as they spot me, they wave excitedly with big smiles on their faces.

"Hi, sweetheart!" they say in unison and we all embrace in a hug.

"Hi, guys!" I reply, really happy to see them.

"How was your flight?" Dad asks, taking my carry on bag from me as we walk to retrieve my luggage.

"Not the greatest plane ride I've had."

"Lots of turbulence?" he assumes and I nod.

"It was the worst, Dad. I actually was sick on the plane because of it."

Mom the immediately puts her hand to my forehead, checking to see if I'm warm. "Mom, I'm fine, I swear." And it's the truth. I'm not sick. Being pregnant and experiencing morning sickness is completely different from just being plain sick.