Those cuts (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Part one

I heard the door bell and screamed "it's open" and before I knew it shawn came through the door dropped his bag, hung up his coat and yelled "Hey babe I missed you so much!!!" shawn said as he ran through the door and into the kitchen picked me up then spun me around.

Ever since he's been on tour it's been a month since I saw him I missed him and I cut more. Not on my wrist but my thighs and I thought he was gonna be home tomorrow so I cut about 2 hours ago I didn't feel it but it was getting to me now as he grabbed me I felt it, the cuts rubbed up agains his hips and I clenched his shirt and he put me down and looked at me with concern.

"Ouch!" I said under my breath

"This is such a surprise I thought you were coming home tomorrow I'm not even dressed up I look horrible..."

"Hey hey hey stop putting your self down we talked about this you look perfect and I don't care of your dressed up I'm happy to see you..." He said and kissed me bringing me to the table

"Are you hungry babe" I asked

"Yeah but I don't want you making anything I just have a salad or something, sit with me?"

"Of course" I said while getting the salad ready for him

"Hey I said I don't want you doing anything" he said while kissing my nose

"Well sorry" I said while laughing

(I got this idea from a different fanfic so I give credit to who ever created this part if you read this comment thanks)

While he sat down I started to get a sharp pain in my upper thigh, I shouldn't have worn jeans it rubbed up against the fresh new cuts. I thought about tonight and what if we had sex I really wanted it and I know for a fact he did too he's been away from me for a whole month and even sent me a text saying he wanted sex I didn't realize how bad my cuts were I had about 4-6 cuts on each thigh my wrist cuts were gone it's like they weren't even there to begin with. As he sat down next to me he took his hand and grabbed my left thigh and squeezed it and said he wanted me tonight. The pain was too much I couldn't take it. Once he let go I said.

"Oh fuck that hurt!" Under my breath but he heard it.

"What hurts?" He said while touching my thigh again

"Oh my god! Umm nothing hurts I'm fine" I said he got really pissed and upset

"Stand up and pull your pants down!"

"Why there's nothing there I-" he cut me off

"NOW Samantha I'm not even kidding please,now!" He snapped he got upset.

Once I pulled my pants down my cuts were reviled he put his hands through his hair and paced back and forth.

"Did I do this? Did I make you do this? DID I OR DID I NOT SAM!" He said his eyes got glassy.

The four years that we've been together I've never saw him get glassed eyes before he was gonna cry. I felt awful I promised him I would stop but he wasn't here to help I didn't know what to say...

"No, well I don't know shawn I just don't know!" I said back

"What do you mean you don't know please tell em the truth and I will do anything and everything I can to make you stop! Please I can't see you like this!!" He said while sniffling and burying his face in his hands.

"It's not your fault, okay when you were gone I got a lot of hate and you know I don't handle it well because of my insecurities. I felt alone and like I shouldn't be here, and because you weren't with me to make me stop I felt like I did before I met you and that got me more upset and that caused me to cut on the other side please I'm supporting you with this tour thing but you can't be gone this long I can't take it!!" I started to cry