Him and I (EDITING/REWRITING)

I Love You, My Love.

"Well?" You ask me.

Could I just mention how I was on the edge of the cliff that divided me from plummenting to my mental death, to the water which would swallow me up and maybe just maybe spit me out? One mistake and this plummet would cause millions to be pierced in pain.

"I love you." I tell you and I can already feel that heavy burden that was on my shoulder be lifted off. I felt like a new person now, somebody who was free of the wall that sent her flying and being stuck in one place.

"What?" You look directly into my eyes, drilled with confusion and shock.

"I love you Gavin. I love you. I love you. I love you." I repeat each word with more confidence, with more true intentions of wanting him to know.

"Macey s-stop." You hold onto my hands and stop me from continuing. 

"I love you Gavin." My voice whispers out, and soon I can tell that confused and frustrated look placed on that beautiful face. Your hands starting to twirl and tangle your dirty blonde looks, the way how you rubbed your back confused. I could already know, my world was crashing.

It was crashing hard against the rocks.

I was being swallowed up by the ocean already, my lungs were being caught with salt water, my eyes were burning, my throat was tightening up while my heart was slowly beating but not enough to save me.

"Well?" I finally ask him, his eyes looking up at me filled with even more confusion.

"What." Your voice raises a bit higher, more like on the edge of yelling.

"D-Do you love me back?" I stare down at my feet when I finally ask him that question which I deserved to know.

No reply.

There was silence, and it was killing me on the inside. I wanted to know how exactly he felt, I wanted to know in full detail what it was that he loved or hated. Or maybe he didn't feel the same way at all, well as long as he replied and told me. I would be fine with that.

"I don't know." You finally respond back and start scratching at your head, you turn your head to the ground and ignore my stare.

"I really don't know. I'm dating Jessie." You blurt out.

"I know." I reply back.

"I love her, you know?" You look up at me and tell me.

"I know." I reply back again.

"I mean I really love her." You tell me and try to see if I understand.

"I know you do." I reply back.

"Then why are you doing this to me, now?" You ask me while your voice was filled with anger.

"I don't know." I reply back simply.

"Why didn't you tell me before? I don't even know who I love now, why did you have to tell me now?" Your eyes look into mine, and I slowly feel scared. My palms start dripping of sweat, while my forehead feels as if it's burning up. My whole body was beginning to burn itself up.

"Why couldn't you just not tell me?"

I know.

"Why couldn't you just pretend?"

I know.

"Why couldn't you just let me be happy with Jessie?"

I know.

"Why couldn't you just not love me?" Your voice says that last one with disgust, as if by me loving you it was a sin.

I can't.

"You are selfish Macey and I can't be friends with a person like that anymore." You say simply, and I can feel the stinging hurt that was meant for that sentence. 

I know I am. I'm sorry.

"I'm going back to Jessie now." You say as your voice starts trailing off when you turn your back from me.

"Don't talk to me anymore." Then I saw as your body started to departure back the way where I couldn't go too. 

I stared at your back while every step you started going, I was hoping you would turn around and tell me that you didn't mean any of that. That it was all a simple joke, that you actually still wanted to be friends with me, and that you still treasure our friendship. But I was wrong because after a few minutes, you left and I was all alone again.

~

I ended up going back home because I couldn't stand being in a place where I was different. 

The flowers that were outside there weren't somewhere where I was allowed to be at, it was exactly like where my father told me my mother was at. A beautiful forbidden garden, locked up and kept strangers like me away from entering into it.

"So how'd it go?" I heard my father ask me when I sat on the couch, too tired to even think.

"Awesome." I responded back sarcastically, my father caught me and soon I heard a small sigh.

"What happened?" He ask me, this time with concern.

"What do you think happen? I messed up Dad. Congratulations to me, my friendship with him is done. Over. O-V-E-R. He hates me, and I lost him." I yell out and turn to look at my father in the eye. He looks a bit taken back, and I groan in frustration as I stomp my way upstairs ignoring him.

"I hate this!" I scream out when I slam my door, the picture frames that were on my wall started to shake but I ignored it. I looked around, trying to calm myself when I came into contact with a family photo. My mother was smiling, and so was my father and I. I groaned in anger while my hands grabbed the picture and through it to the ground.

"Stop smiling. Life isn't always so perfect Mom." I yell out.

I know I was acting like a baby, but what do you think I was suppose to do? Be all happy and cheerful that I just lost my both of my best friends, and that I'll never be able to even talk to them anymore because I messed up. 

Actually it's not even their faults.

It's mine for wanting to express my feelings to Gavin, when I knew he was with Jessie. 

He was right. I am a pretty selfish person because I wanted him to know about my feelings. 

~

I laid on my bed just staring at the ceiling, I was tired, bored, just annoyed plainly with life. I just wanted to sleep, and not even wake up anymore. Not in a bad way, but more like sleeping forever and be inside of my dreams were reality doesn't need to bother me.

I closed my eyes and soon the scene took place.

I was outside of my front porch with my navy blue hair blowing onto my face, the night sky was making sure that a sudden shivers would find me. It felt nice, until I noticed when I saw Gavin. He looked at me, his eyes planted on my eyes then towards my lips, then finally back to my eyes. He looked so displeased, his nose scrunched up while he crossed his arms and walked away from me.

I tried to yell out for him, to forgive me but something odd touch my feet and as my eyes dilated down towards the ground I was already feeling my lungs closing up while my eyes started to burn. I blinked a few times to find myself caught inside of the water that was swallowing me, I tried to scream out for help but instead choked on water.

I woke up sweating and panting, my hair was in a mess, it was covering my whole face, while I could notice how pale my skin was becoming.

I guess you could say 'Goodbye, my love.'