Fire Starter ~(Completed)

Chapter 1

Look how a single candle can both defy and define darkness ~ Anne Frank

My curtains were drawn- James, Peter and Remus all liked to keep theirs open, as they liked to chat long into the night, yet even if I joined in the conversation, I kept mine drawn. I had told them that this was because I slept naked, and didn't want them to see my dick, which they whole heartedly agreed with, and left me to it. Truthfully, it was for three other reasons. 

Firstly: I was scared of the dark. I didn't want the others to know this, obviously, so at night I drew my curtains, and lit up my ceiling, using my favourite spell- lumos. I wasn't sure why, but when ever the darkness enclosed around me, I panicked, and had to find some source of light.

Secondly: I did in fact not want the others to see my body. But this was not because I slept naked, it was because of the great bubbiling blisters and scars that covered my bare back, arms and chest. I hated seeing them, I didn't want the other three to see them, they were gross and I hated them. Plus they would start asking awkward questions that I really wasn't keen to answer yet.

Thirdly: (and most importantly), night was when I self harmed- no one would come in and interrupt me, or try to stop me. In my bedside draw, where most people kept a diary, or other personal items, sat a box of cigarettes and a few cheap, disposable lighters, which I used to do my dirty business. After Peter had claimed he couldn't breathe when I had first started smoking in the room, I was forced to go outside. But I hadn't lit a cigarrette in weeks, I had been trying to quit, thinking that I couldn't really afford to have two life-threataning habbits.

James's gentle snores told me he was asleep, and the fact that Remus had stopped tossing and turning meant he was too. I peeked round my curtain at Peter, but saw, in the narrow beam of light I had just created, that his eyes were wide open and staring straight at me. I threw a jumper over my pijamas, and padded over to him, a finger to my lips to tell him not to wake the others.

"Pads, what are you doing" he murmured, rubbing his eyes sleepily, his pupils dialated. "Why aren't you asleep?"

"Because I'm nocturnal" I said seriously, slipping over to his bed and sitting down. "How come you're awake?"

"Need the loo" he muttered, sliding his own, longer legs out of bed and padding over to the door. Without his pressence next to me, I was suddenly aware of the endingless blackness, a sheild that could cover any number of mass murderers. Stealthily, I shrank back to my own bed, drawing the curtains and hurridly on my lit up enclosure, keeping an eye out for Peter. When he came back, I pretended that I was looking round in my draw for something, although I quickly slammed it shut when he came over to my bed. The mattress sank dismally, and the tufty haired boy looked at me curiously.

"Are you going to bed now?" he whispered, looking over to Remus, who was stiring in his sleep. I nodded, even though he wasn't looking at me. 

"Yeah, I guess. Actually, no." I had a sudden idea, a way of making sure Pete fell asleep before I did. "I need a cigarette. Go back to bed, I'll be back in a few minutes." He nodded sleepily, and trotted back to his own warm duvet, while I quietly opened the door and stepped out onto Gryffindor tower.

I didn't actually want a cigarette at all, I just wanted Peter off my tail. Nevertheless, when the familar little carboard box was in my hand, I could almost smell the enticing wafts of chemical smoke, and without realising the fag was on my bottom lip. Sheiling my precious flame from the wind, I englighted the end, and took a long, satifying drag. I could feel Pete's eyes on the back of my head- he wasn't as daft a kid as I made out him out to be, and I just knew he would be watching, checking to make sure I wasn't lying. I felt like giving him a small, sarcastic wave, but I didn't want to let him know that he'd been caught, so I inhaled a second lungful, and looked down, across the grounds. It bothered me that I couldn't see accross the grass, but as long as I had that little flame box in my pocket, that lit cigarette in my fingers, I knew I was safe.