When Stars Fall [EBOOK and PAPERBACK PUBLISHED]

45. Wyatt - Present Day

The full moon shines inside the trailer, illuminating Ellie as we chat. I've never seen anything as beautiful as Ellie's face when she talks to me, really talks to me for the first time in ten years. We've been talking about all kinds of things for most of the night. God, I was a fool to let her go. Never again. Never again. Doesn't matter what I have to do.

"Wyatt." She presses her face into my shoulder.

"Still here." I kiss the top of her head. Inhaling her shampoo, I want to smother her with love. If my heart was this full the first time around, the drugs dulled it. A damn tragedy in itself. I get Ellie. I get Haven. A fresh start with our new baby, a chance to be the kind of dad I know I can be, right from the start.

"I—I think I should warn you about something or ask you to." She purses her lips and seems to be searching for the right words. "Watch out for me." She turns to stare at the ceiling.

"What's that mean?" I prop my head on my hand and try to catch her gaze.

"When I had Haven, I got really sick. Kinda scary sick." She glances at me before her eyes flick away. "My mom told me the same thing may never happen again, but if it does..."

"What happened?" I lace our fingers together. Ellie got sick enough to scare herself and her mother last time, and I wasn't there to help her, to protect her.

"Postpartum depression. Quite bad." She mirrors my pose, her head in her hand. She doesn't meet my eyes but focuses on our joined hands. "I hope I never feel that way again. It was terrible. I thought I was the worst mother ever. My mom says postpartum is common, nothing to be ashamed of. I've never felt that low—didn't know those feelings existed. I couldn't see my way out."

When we were together, she was the rock, the tough one. In any crisis, she was the one I looked to, the one I leaned on. That she had no one when she needed it most makes my chest ache. I want to say I would have made things better. But I don't know if that's true. For a long time, I was no help to anyone, not even myself.       "I'm gonna be here this time. You won't be alone." I tip her chin, so she's forced to look at me. "I won't let you down."

Tears pool in her eyes and she gives a curt nod. Her voice is thick when she says, "I believe you."

On the bedside table, my alarm buzzes. I hit the snooze before glancing out the window. The sun hasn't come up yet. Why does my call time have to be so damn early when I would give anything to stay in bed? I'm afraid to leave this room with this bubble we've created over the last few hours. It's delicate, anything could pop it and put me, us, right back where we were before.

"Wyatt." Her hand lands on my arm.

I turn back to her and fold her into me. "Something else?" I squeeze her tight. If I'm a little late, no one will get too upset.

"Anna. It's Anna." Her lips skim my shoulder. "I love you. I want to be with you. I want us to be a family. But the way she behaved today...the way she is now, I don't want her around our kids." She kisses my bare chest. "I don't even want her around her own kid."

I rub my face with my free hand and roll Ellie so she's tight against me. One of her legs settles over mine.

"My situation with Anna is really complicated."

"I know. I understand. But it doesn't mean we do nothing. That poor kid. And Haven—she doesn't understand either."

"What are you suggesting?" Part of me has known for a long time where Anna and I were headed. I haven't been able to face that road.

"Custody. You and I go after custody of Jamal."

I run my hand up and down Ellie's back. Having her here, talking about these things with her feels good and terrible. Anna's my sister. "Do you want to know why I haven't done anything yet?" She glances up at me, her dark eyes fix on my face, but she doesn't say anything. "Because Anna's rock bottom comes after she's lost him. To me, her rock bottom looks a lot like Isaac's spiral. I can't be responsible for someone's death again."

"Oh, Wyatt. What happened to Isaac wasn't your fault. It wasn't. There were so many things going on with him, and we didn't know anything about them."

"But, he lived with me. We were best friends from the time we were six until the day he died. If anyone should have known he was headed that way, it was me."

Her lips feather across my skin and her fingers graze my nipple. I cover her hand with mine, stilling her exploration. I can't concentrate when her hands roam my body. Sinking into her and forgetting the rest of the world exists is too tempting. "I see the signs in Anna. If I take Jamal, I think she'll end up dead."

Her hand flattens on my chest. "That's what you think?"

"There's a really thin cord named Jamal keeping Anna from going too far. Without him? Anna won't have a reason to stop." My logic probably seems deeply flawed. Now that I'm clean and sober, I see that, but I know how an addict thinks. The addict in me knows exactly how Anna feels. What I'm saying isn't a leap.       Without Jamal, any reason she may have had to get clean is gone. Why would she feel all her pain and regret when she can bury those emotions under pills, drugs, alcohol? I did the same with Kabir, with Isaac, and then I did it again when Ellie left. I know the spiral well.

"And if you talk to her? Ask her to go to rehab or whatever else she needs to do?"

"You think we haven't had those conversations?"

Her shoulders rise and fall almost imperceptibly. "Maybe she didn't think you meant it."

I didn't mean my threat when Ellie left me. The cracks in my chest that were starting to seal over, open again. "Ellie." My voice pitches low.

"I know, Wyatt. I know." She squeezes me tight.

My alarm sounds again. Kissing the top of her head, I reluctantly slide out of bed. At the edge, I sit for a minute with my back to her, feet pressed into the floor.

"Is Anna a deal breaker?" How am I going to ask or rather tell Anna I'm taking Jamal? The consequences of that conversation make my heart stutter. There's a light touch on my back, but I don't look at her. I can't. There's nothing I won't give up to keep her, Haven, and this baby.

"My priority is our kids. I love you. I'll probably love you until the day I die. I can't imagine that'll ever change." Her hand withdraws from my back. "Our kids deserve to grow up happy and safe."

My skin tingles from her touch, and I don't want to leave this room. I can't face the idea of sending my sister to her grave.

Over my shoulder, I say, "I'll talk to Anna tonight. I've gotta think about how to do this. If I can stop her from hurting herself, I need to do that. You and the kids are my family, but so is she."

"I know. I understand. I'd move heaven and earth to save Nikki if she was in the same position. I get it. What can we do if she doesn't want the kind of help she needs?"

"I have to figure out how to make her want our help." Seems simple. After years of abusing drugs and alcohol, I only have to come up with something to make her want to quit. Right about now, a little divine intervention would be amazing.

"I'll see you on set in a couple hours." Her smile is tired but genuine. "Right now, in this moment, I'm really happy."

"Me, too." And my happiness is mostly true. But there's a dark cloud swirling. No matter how I approach Anna, I know the outcome. How do I live with that choice?