Christmas

Chapter Four : Don't Dream It's Over

Christmas
Don't Dream It's Over
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It doesn't matter how tough you are, every trauma leaves a scar. Whether be it salient or not, discernible, ocular, prominent, every trauma leaves nothing but sheer ache.

Trauma follows you at every step of the way. Once discharged, it accompanies you home. Trauma never leaves. It changes lives. It messes everybody up - not just the ones who's been hurt. But perhaps that's the point of trauma.

All the pain and the fear and the agony - every emotion that is feared - maybe going through all of that is what keeps one moving forward; it's what pushes one to heal, to move on. Maybe you have to get a little messed up first, before you can step up to the test.

Maybe that's the point of trauma.

To feel. To grow. To heal. To experience. To understand. To better ourselves.

Maybe that's the point of trauma.

He was rooted to the ground, hands shadowing his tear stricken face. He was finally by himself. No Will. No Natalie. No doctors and nurses surrounding him, he was alone and out of nowhere, his vision began to cloud with stinking tears, his shoulders shook with each and every agonising wail.

He's finally able to cry.

If crying meant that he isn't a true man inside and out, then so be it.

He doesn't care what people thinks.

It's what he wanted to do the second he saw her this morning.

She looked so...

His wife is fighting for her life and there's nothing he could do to help her. Just like how there wasn't anything that he could do to save his son.

It still stung like it happened yesterday. The ache from where his heart tore into a billion pieces was still raw and new. Bloody and fresh. He knows Erin feels the same even if they've never talked about it.

She's still hurting.

The pain is continuing.

Sitting idly on the ground with his hands pressed to his face, he doesn't know what he is doing or what to do now. He've informed Brianna on what's happened to Erin and had asked for a few days off. And of course, she didn't disapprove of his request and have told him to get back to work whenever he can.

He's been questioning himself; is this appropriate for a divorcing couple to be doing? Should he even be here?

He's still her husband. And she haven't yet to ask him to leave.

For better or for worse, he promised to be by her side through every step - good and bad - and he intended to keep his promise forever. For however long it may be.

He doesn't know what he's doing on the floor when there are perfectly still chairs by his side. Maybe he's waiting for his brother, waiting for answers, waiting for Erin to heal, to wake up and tell him who did this to her. But he can't go back in there just yet. He doesn't know anything right now but that, he knows for certain. He can't go back into Erin's room.