My Childhood

middle school

Such a horrid time for a child unless you had friends. I knew I was different, I knew I was odd, I knew nobody liked me. It was painfully obviously. In the age of my middle school year I lost my best friend not from being petty or mean. But by not being there. You could say she was probly my only friend if you didn't count Karla and sometimes I didn't. They were much more popular than me why would they even be friends with this boring Eccentric lamo. Sometimes I would blame it on myself making excuses that I hated people. But that wasn't it, I saw there reactions, I could read there faces, they didn't care. And that was fine. I didnt need them, I had my best friends Karla and Rebecca. But I only knew Rebecca from childhood on the bus. She was my childhood friend. When we reached middle school we had a signed seats on the bus. Or I was just a Trouble maker an had to be placed upfront. I wanted her to follow but she didn't. I was left alone for the longests of time. I soon let her go as I felt betrayed. But I still loved her. So the pain was all I could recall each time she tried to speak to me, each time, I felt the regret of letting my best friend go. It's just to awkward now to say anything. I love her, I loved her but now she's grown so much more and even though she changed, she still the same. And even though I had always denied it, I was always jealous of her kindness and her beauty.

Than my other best friend, Karla. I felt as though she was lying to me. That she saw the stares and she shared in with the stares. But it was my fault I would follow her all the time because she was my friend. My only friend in that awful school. Why did I hate it so much why did I feel out casted was I just being paranoid. Or was all those feeling of emotions all lies. I loved Karla but sometimes I felt as though she only hung out with me out of a since of duty. If she didn't I would be alone. Her smile was kind and she talked to everyone while I stayed mentally a child pulling her along selfishly.

I couldn't say I hate being alone sometimes. I was an imaginative kid always daydreaming my wild and creative thoughts. Reading my mangas and seeing it in my head playing as though I was reading it while waiting for class to end. I enjoyed those moments. Every time I think about them it was fine being alone. Reality was a bummer this was so much better. I didnt feel judged alone, for I didn't think about it as much, it was simpler being alone. Untill you feel always alone. It sad, you hate it, you try to cope with it but how. You can't tell no one or they'll just think your being silly to feel so lonely. You want friends, you try to make friends but in the end they leave you, they all will leave.

I cried when I graduated middle school. Happy it was finally over, happy I could start over, happy I was going to change. Yet sad I had to say good bye. The place I've grown up in had more embarrassing moments than good and I had to say good bye.

I was so relieved, yet so scared. Middle school was defiantly the worst.