A Drop Of Blue [One Direction: Harry Styles]

Chapter 14

Most people would call me immature for how I was acting but I really didn't care. He left me long before I left him.

I sat on the couch and hugged my legs to my chest while the boys were watching a movie. Since I hadn't been paying attention, I had no clue what was going on. Twisting my fingers, I just looked at my hands.

I refused to look up even when I felt his stare. He had tried talking to me but I knew it was just because he felt bad for being scolded. The other boys had tried to talk to me about the matter at first but they quickly learned that I was stubborn as hell.

The door opened and for the first time in two weeks I felt myself smile. I jumped off the couch and swooped Lux into my arms. "Quaqua!" she giggled as I cuddled her.

Instead of rejoining the group, I head into the kitchen and decide to bake some cupcakes with my little niece. We sing some songs from Disney movies and of course I let her decorate our goodies.

Lou eventually said they had to leave, so I just went to my room instead. I was sharing with Josh but we still had separate beds. Taking out the video camera, I set it up in front of me and then waved at it. "Hey hoes and homos, I'm back." I smiled and waved awkwardly. "I just wanted to let you know I'm doing alright. It's been a busy week, and a busy month... I've just been very preoccupied for some reason."

I look around the nicely decorated yet highly plain room. It had a soothing color but the fact that I couldn't see any of my usual artifacts made me somewhat sad. I missed my home.

"I miss you," I said quietly while I looked down at my hands in my lap. Heaving a heavy sigh, I closed my eyes for a second. "I was going to make this video a happy greeting but I refuse to pretend like I'm happy when I'm not. The truth is that I miss home. I miss my mom and dad, my best friends, my apartment, the pictures hanging on the walls of my room. I miss so much and it sucks," I rambled and then ruffled my hair a bit.

"I sometimes wonder, what if I'd have said no? What if I never went on this world tour? Maybe I'd be home right now, petting my new kitten while watching Netflix," I worded my thoughts and then shrugged. "It is how it is though, so I just have to suck it up and stop being such a baby for once. I've just been going through an emotional turmoil where I've lost a friend... A really good friend. He's not dead but he's not in my life anymore, so it kind of reminds me of Mike and it gives me this constant pressure on my chest which makes it harder to breathe," I explained and hugged myself. I twisted the ring that I now held in my hand and bit the inside of my lip.

"This really wasn't supposed to be a sad video, but that's just how it's going to be. No one is always okay, and right now I'm not and I'm not ashamed to admit that. But yeah, this is just a quick update on me and my life. Have a good one, lovelies," I ended and gave them a small smile before I stopped the recording and uploaded it without any editing because I was lazy and I didn't like how Youtube videos always looked so perfect when in reality nothing is perfect.

I curled up in bed and held the rings to my chest then squeezed my eyes shut. When I closed my eyes, all I could see was Michael's face, which eventually made silent tears run down my cheeks.

Josh entered the room quietly and since the lights were shut off, I was hoping he'd just assume I was asleep. He shuffled around for a while until there was silence. I fucked up by sniffling and biting back a sob that had been building up for hours.

"Aqua?" Josh whispered and it was enough to make my shoulders shake as the sobs took over me. He was quick to get off his bed and then crawl into mine, then he just held me as I cried.

"I miss him so much," I hiccuped and turned in Josh's arms to hug him tightly. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead while I just broke down.

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