Battle Scars Don't Fade

Chapter Six: Lily's Predicament

"I thought he was the one!" I said sobbing into my butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks. It was the October Hogsmeade trip and I was pretty upset. I had just found out, from Tom (the one who worked in the ice cream parlor in Godric's Hollow, we never can remember his last name), that had gotten Victoria (my BROTHER'S girlfriend) pregnant. Somehow this had made me realize, I had never liked Tom in the first place. He had never broken my heart, it had been broken much earlier, by Michael.

Yeah, I had had a crush on my brother's best friend pretty much the minute I set eyes on him. And the thing that hurt most was, he did have feelings for one of his best friend's little sister, it was just Hugo's sister. Rose even gave me a chance to tell her I wasn't ok with it, but I had honestly convinced myself that I liked Tom, and that Michael was a thing of the past. Now if I told her I liked Michael again, it would be inconsistent and unfair to her.

What's worse is, especially in the beginning of the summer, they were so damn happy together. For their FIRST date Michael had cooked her a romantic meal. And it just got worse. A dozen roses on her doorstep every morning, a kiss every time he left for two seconds! Lately, things were different. The kisses seemed to be colder and less frequent. They hadn't hung out, just the two of them, in exactly a month. Yup, things seemed to be going pretty badly in Rose's relationship. Oh my god, what is wrong with me!? My cousin, who always supports me, is happy with Michael. What right do I have to wish for that to end?

Rose used to talk to me about everything. And I know she'd want to talk if something was wrong with her relationship, but she hadn't said anything about it. In fact she hadn't talked about anything that had to do with Michael in exactly a month. Something must have happened exactly one month ago that caused a rift to form. Maybe a row? When they first started dating all Rose talked about was Michael. Yes, she didn't seem to be nearly as enamored with him as she had been in July. Maybe she suspected he was cheating. Maybe, he was cheating and she caught him!

I was snapped back to the present by Rose's voice. "I know this is hard, and really fucking weird for you Lil' but we're here to talk about James. He's still really broken up about Victoria, and rightly so. But he won't eat, he's not going to classes or handing in homework, he's skipping Quidditch practices, and he's the captain! He stays in bed all day but never sleeps. We have to do something about it!"

"Well I say we leave him alone for a bit." said Hugo, "I mean, for god sakes he got down on one knee to propose! He was ready to marry this girl." he paused. "Then again he hasn't showered in who knows how long a time, and it's starting to really smell bad in there!"

"Starting to smell bad?" snorted Rose. "I'm pretty sure that thing has stunk since you arrived." Hugo playfully hit her shoulder.

"Why can't we just let our parents deal with this?" I asked. I had way too much on my mind. What with Michael, school work, and quidditch. Maybe it was selfish, but I just couldn't focus.

"Because they are way too far away to enforce anything." said Rose, exasperatedly. "And I'm worried that if James gets too far into this depression, there won't be a way out, so here's the plan." Hugo and I groaned. Rose always had a plan. Plans made her feel safe and good. "What? It's going to work! Hugo you are going to find a girl that James would like to go out with. It's still early in the day. Lily and I are going to James' dorm to get him out of bed. Lily gets him into the shower, and I'll clean his dorm, then Lily and I will do his homework. That way he doesn't have to do anything to have a fresh start. Then he'll go out on a date. Probably not for a good relationship. Just to get out of his depression."

"WOAH WOAH WOAH!" I said. "You're telling me I have to spend my Hogsmeade trip doing my brother's homework!"

Rose frowned. "No, I did it for him yesterday, along with ALL of mine. I was trying to see how selfish you were being about this. I'm sorry that Victoria is pregnant with your crushes baby. But Victoria was James' girlfriend! And it was James who was cheated on! Not you! You were not in a relationship with Tom! James loved her, you had the hots for Tom! That's all! Now could you stop making everything about you for once and do something nice for another person, who happens to be your brother?!"

"You know what Rose, maybe if you talked to me about my problems once in a while, like you used to, I would be able to focus on other people's!"

"Don't turn this around on me! I have done nothing wrong!" she yelled. And I knew she was right! That was what killed me!

"Just give everyone some slack from your high moral standards ok!"

"If you don't want to "waste" your time with helping your brother then I will do it myself!"

"Good!" I said and stalked out.

On the way out I bumped into Michael, pretty forcefully. Which did not help my feelings for him! "Lily? What's wrong?"

"Nothing I want to talk to you about."

"Fine, then can I talk to you about something? I'm guessing you don't want to go back in there?"

"No." I said shortly.

"Then do you want to go sit by the shrieking shack?" he asked.

"Whatever." I said. I walked away toward the shack without looking back to see if he was coming. He eventually caught up with me. I plopped down heavily on a rock near the shrieking shack.

"So, Lily I need to talk to you about Rose."

I took a deep breath and gritted my teeth. "Yeah, so, what's going on?"

"Well. I know I've kind of been ignoring her lately and I wanted to make it up to her."

Another deep breath. "Well, maybe you could­- No!" I couldn't do this anymore. "I can't give you advice on your relationship. First of all, she doesn't tell me anything anymore. Second of all, I have feelings for you Michael. And I know you don't, so I'm sorry. But I can't do that, it's much too painful." and I stood up and tried to walk away quickly, but then something unexpected happened. Michael grabbed my wrist.

"Lily, this is so complicated, but I feel something here too and I­" Michael drew closer, putting his hands around my waist. What's funny is there was no voice screaming in my head telling me to stop! That this was my best friends and cousin's boyfriend. But she had just called me selfish and it just felt so right. And calm and peaceful.

He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, like they always do in the muggle movies right before the hero kisses the beautiful good girl. But I wasn't the beautiful good girl, Rose was. I was the cheating whore. But I felt like the beautiful good girl. I really did. For once this year when he leaned in to kiss me, everything felt good. Our lips met, my hands around his neck. And we fit perfectly. His lips were soft and supple, but his jaw was hard and angular against my cheek.

As we broke apart he said, "This is wrong, Lily, but I'm in if you are. You just can't tell anyone...ever!" "Well, obviously Michael." We looked at each other for a second and then kissed again.