Battle Scars Don't Fade

Chapter Fifteen: Wingardium Leviosa

The rest of the year passed away. It was all a blur for me. It didn't matter where I was, because I wasn't with Scorpius. Without him as a buffer I found my cousins were insufferable and boring. They couldn't talk about anything but Quidditch. Albus didn't talk at all, he was love struck, Alice had completely changed his attitude. He still got perfect grades, but instead of always having his nose stuck in a book, he was...participating. Kind of. It was more like he observed. He would nod and respond when talked to, and talk to Alice, but I had this weird feeling that we were all some sort of experiment to him. 

Anyway I had a new routine. Get up, dress, breakfast, classes, lunch, classes, dinner, homework, and finally bed. I had found that sticking to this strict routine reduced the number of times I had to use the anti depressant spells per day. I think it was due to the fact that if I focused entirely on that routine, my brain couldn't drift over to my heart break and I could appear "normal".

Lily saw through me, but Hugo would never believe her. I saw her squinting at me, discerning my whole facade.  Seeing through me. Finally summer vacation came, and we returned home. I did enough with my cousins and friends to remain inconspicuous. But the rest of the time I spent sitting in the window still and reading. It was only then that I could escape. 

Mom and Dad were always especially good after a fight. They would be too wrapped up in their own happiness to pay particular attention to me. So, at least there was that.  

One day I was reading and my vision began to blur. My eyes were filled with tears and I couldn't hold them back. I heard my mother coming up the stairs so I grabbed my wand and and quickly preformed the usual spell. This time I knew that I'd gone too far. Oh fuck! Here were the side effects. I had only time to call out one strangled shout of "Mom!" before everything went black.

I heard Rose call out from her room. I burst in as I realized it was a call for help. There was Rose, my baby, lying on the ground. Splayed in a weird position. Clearly this was not a game or anything. "RON! ROOOOOOOON!" I screamed. He dashed up and saw me kneeling on the floor Rose's head in my arms. 

"What happened?!" he yelled. 

"I don't know! I don't know!" I shrieked. "She's unconscious, we have to get her to St. Mungo's!" I quickly sent a patronus to Hugo to tell him where we were going. Ron and I each held her as we turned and apparated, disappearing from the spot and reappearing in St. Mungo's. 

The lady with the nice teeth and an awful scowl pointed us in the direction of the ward. The healers took her and rushed her away. We were left in the waiting room, facing none other than Draco Malfoy himself.

I was sitting on the edge of the balcony, as I had tended to all the time this god awful summer. The memories were so strong here. Her sitting on this stone railing, warm, beautiful, with that gorgeous dress and champagne in her hand. I would sit here and I could almost feel her warm breath in my ear as we would sit, talking for hours. 

I had been using the anti depressant spells a lot. In fact probably more than I should have. But I couldn't bring myself to care. It was honestly the farthest thing from my mind. As I sat here, I began to feel myself leaning over the great abyss in my mind labeled "Rose" and I mindlessly performed another spell. 

I didn't have time to scream as I fell into the abyss in my mind and over the railing in reality. Even as I fell I blacked out, and my last thought  was an image. Of a single rose in the dark.

I was standing in the kitchen looking out the bay windows at my back lawn. Scorpius really seemed miserable without his Weasley girlfriend. I had tolerated the relationship, but I really had no choice. If I wanted people to know I'm different I had to. I'm not the same ignorant schoolboy anymore. Never again did I want to be.