Hiraeth {Book 3 in The Emerald of Annihilation trilogy}

(2). Broken, But Holding On

3rd Person POV.

Lily's fingers nimbly played with the strings of her hoodie. Her attention completely focused on the metal clamps on the ends. "You know when you're drowning you don't actually inhale until right before you black out. It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter much you're freaking out, the instinct the not let any water in is so strong you won't open your mouth until you feel like you're head's exploding."

She rested her hands on the metal desk and scratched at a long indented scrape in it. "Then when you finally do let it in that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore, it's.....it's actually kind of peaceful."

Jack unfolded his arms. He removed the pencil from behind his ear and scribbled on his clipboard. "How about we get back to you."

Lily dropped her gaze, remaining silent. Her scraping becoming more violent.

"Lily."

She lifted her head to meet his gaze, shaking her head and shrugging, lifting her handcuffed writs up before dropping them back down on the table. "I'm fine." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Yeah, aside from the not sleeping." Her eyes shifted. "The jumpiness. The constant overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible of going to happen."

Jack rested his clipboard on his knee. "It's called hyper vigilance. The persistent feeling of being under threat."

Lily dug her fingernails deeper into the groove in the desk. "It's not just a feeling though, it's......it's like it's a panic attack..... You know, like I can't even breathe..."

"Like you're drowning?"

".......Yeah....."

Jack leaned back in his seat. "So. If you're drowning. And you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment. What if you choose to not open your mouth. To not let the water in?"

"Y-you do anyway it's a reflex." Lily's eyes stayed fixed on the groove.

"But." Jack kept speaking. "If you hold off, until that reflex kicks in. You have more time right?"

"Not much time."

"But more time to fight your way to the surface." Jack leaned forward, resting his elbows on the cold desk.

Lily's eyebrows furrowed. Her mind trying to find out what her uncle was getting at. "I guess."

"More time to be rescued."

Lily looked up, her eyes meeting her uncle's. "More time to be in agonizing pain, and did you forget about the part where you feel like you're head's exploding?!"

Despite her obvious frustration, Jack remained calm. "If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it?"

Lily's throat began to close up again. "Yeah well, what if it just gets worse? What if it's agony now and then.....then it's just hell later on?"

Jack let a small smile cross his face as he looked his face. "Then think about something Winston Churchill once said. If you're going through hell. Keep going."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Alexis Hamato thanked the officer and left the office to where she closed the door and looked down to her right at her daughter, Lily. Lily had been getting into all kinds of trouble. It worried Alex to the core and made her wonder if it really was her daughter sitting there, with her wrist handcuffed to the bench.

An officer walked up and uncuffed Lily, sending Alex a sympathetic smile. Lily rubbed her wrist, not looking up at her mother at all. "Lily?" Lily didn't answer.