THANK YALL FOR 2.3 K READS IT MEANS SO SO SOO MUCH I LOVE YOU SMOL BEANS A LOTS THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. ANYWAY ONWARD WITH THE SECKS BTW TRIGGER WARNING, ATTEMPTED SELF HARM AND BAD THOUGHTS, IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO THESE THINGS PLEASE DONT READ, MY SMOL BEANS NEED TO KNOW HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE AND DONT LET MY STUPID MESSED UP STORY TAKE THAT AWAAYY. BTW THIS IS IN A BOYS PERSPECTIVE, ALMOST SMUT, BUT FLUFF
I sit on the edge of our bed, Phil's at BBC Radio doing the internet takeover with Dan and, I'm alone with my thoughts. I stare at my stomach and I hate what I see, he calls it adorable and cute but I know he means fat. I stand up and take off my shirt and boxer shorts and look at myself in the mirror, I poke my stomach and thighs. They're so fat and disgusting, I'm such a pig, how does he live with me. I pick up my big blue blanket and cover the mirror and go to the bathroom. I open my medicine cabinet and get the blade I had hidden underneath my bar of soap I never use. Once I get it out I remember all of my scars and how he cried when he saw them, I hold in to my arm, and press it down, drawing a few droplets of blood, and am reminded of Phils tears and what he said to me, handing me a knife and rolling up his sleeve, "If you ever want to cut yourself, take my arm and do it to me. I never want you to be hurt ever, you're to gorgeous to be cut." I pull the blade away from my arm, then throw it in the toilet, sitting on the floor, at first only a few tears fall, and then I begin sobbing. I'm curled on the floor in a ball when I hear loud footsteps running into the bathroom, and the door handle jingling, "Sweetheart, what are you doing? Open the door." I scramble up and wipe away the few tears left on my face and flush the toilet before opening the door to phil who scoops me into his arms, "Baby what were you doing? Are you ok? Why didn't you call me? Were you having your bad thoughts? Tell me what's happened?" My eyes start to water with more tears I didn't know I had left in my eyes. They start falling slowly and then all at once and he just wraps his arms around me tighter and he kisses my forehead and my cheeks. "I-i don't deserve you, thousands of girls better than me throw themselves at you every day. And you still choose me, I don't know why, I'm ugly and you deserve so much better than me." His eyes go sad and he kisses me again and picks me up.
He walks me to our room and lays me on the bed, kissing my forehead and cheeks once again, wiping all of the tears off of me. "I am going to make you feel as beautiful as you are. I am going to make you see how much I love you."
He carries me to the bedroom and lays me down softly, as if he didn't want to break me. I still have a few tears on my cheeks and he wipes them away gently. He kisses each of my cheeks and kisses my lips, not needingly, but tenderly, slowly, to savor my lips. After that he kisses down my neck, not leaving marks, but ghostlike kisses. He leans away from me and carefully unwraps the blanket from my body, staring at my bare skin, "Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. Every centimeter of you is so perfect my love, every last one. Incredible. How did I ever get lucky enough to find a man like you huh? You're so perfect, I'd never want anything more or less." He moves me up to the head of the bed where my short wavy (h/c) hair rests on a blue and green pillow and I'm facing him. He places a kiss on my lips and grasps my hips, pulling me closer and I pull away croaking, "I'm sorry phil, I just, can't." He holds me, in a tight hug, "(y/n) baby, you don't have to, I'm just here to make sure you're alright." I smile and drift off to sleep, I feel his soft lips press against my forehead, he turns me so I'm facing the wall and hugs my back to his chest, kissing the back of my head. "I love you more than anything (y/n), more than anything you could ever imagine." Before I completely drift off, I manage to mumble out, "I love you too phillip."
My feels got hit right in the feels, sorry it's been so long, smut coming soon Buh-bye
