Before Emily

Chapter One

   There had to be at least one point in my life where the only thing I ever felt was complete and utter bliss. I don't think I ever did care about my own happiness. I think I only cared about what others thought, not really minding that I wasn't happy. Until I turned ten. 

   The year 2012 was the first year I got beaten up. It wasn't to bad, but being the pathetic little boy I was... am... made it so much worse. I came home with a bruise that was hidden underneath my shirt. The other boys that had given me them told me not to tell. I didn't. I wasn't going to be a wuss. I wasn't going to tattle. Nobody likes a tattle tale. 

   That was my main rule. Don't tell. And I didn't. But that night, I did something I shouldn't have. I did something that turned me into an even more hated person. Something that made me the person I am today. 

   I cut.

   Being ten, it wasn't very deep. But to me, it was calming. watching the blood flow over my skin like a red waterfall was mesmerizing. I almost enjoyed it. It gave me power of some sort. 

   I fell asleep better than I had any other night. The next morning, the wounds had closed, leaving red trails of ridges. I liked running my fingers over them. It gave me comfort to think that i did that.

   The day I returned to school, I had worn a long sleeved shirt with bracelets. That had become my style. I had worn things like that everyday. Nobody questioned it. When people had seen a mark or two, I told them my cat got mad. 

   My friend, Isabella, walked with me to the lunch line. Her hair was pulled up in a tight bun, earlier in the day, two boys tried to put pencils in it without her noticing. She did, and she told the teacher. 

   I don't think I could do that. 

   After recess, We walked up to our classroom, and sat in the far back left, where we had been assigned in the beginning of the year. I placed my journal on the desk, taking out a pencil and started writing the notes that were projected on the board. 

   It was then that I noticed the blonde boy across the room looking at me. His name was Joshua. Earlier in the year, I had built up the biggest crush on the boy. His glasses covered his baby blue eyes and his blonde hair was shaggy compared to the neatness of my own. 

   When our eyes met, I looked down sheepishly, a blush coating my pale cheeks. 

   Our teacher, Mr. Taylor, cleared his throat and Joshua's head snapped up, paying attention to the old man. 

   I saw my sister, who had been moved next to a boy named John, looking at me. I smiled, and turned my head to the man that was waving his arms around like a crazy man. 

   The next week, I had gotten another beating, only this time, they had grabbed my wrist. The one that the night before, I had sliced open with my razor. 

   The boy that sat next to my sister, John, was stood among them. His friends pinned me to the ground as the boy kicked and punched  my stomach and chest, leaving me winded.

   The moment I was about to pass out, I saw a head of ginger hair rushing over to me. I only heard a few words before my body lost itself.

"You're gonna be okay... you're gonna be okay."

~~~~

That afternoon, I had woken up in the nurses office, a girl that I hadn't recognized sat in the chair beside my bed. She looked down at my face, seeing that I was awake. She pushed the button above my head and the nurse, Ms. Barbara walked in. 

   "Young man, are you okay? Do you feel any pain? Are you light headed? Are you breathing okay?"

   I nodded my head, wanting to get out of here. I had wondered if they saw my scars. 

   The ginger girl that sat in the chair looked me over, noticing my stiffened position. "I think I should take my friend home. I'm sure his parents are worried about him. Thanks Ms. B. You were a real help."

The way the girl had said it was with pure sarcasm. I don't think even I could attempt to say anything like that. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, hissing at the pain that erupted in my chest. The girl looked at me, worry clear in her eyes.

"Let's go, shouldn't keep you're parents waiting for us." I nodded, grabbing my bag that was sitting next to me, and stood, walking out of the horrid place. 

The ginger grabbed my wrist, making me hiss out in pain. She released my arm quickly, apologizing. "Um... I'm Alice, I'm the one that... got you help." I glared at the girl. She could be the one who gets me busted.

   "You might as well sign my death certificate, probably just made my life worse. Thanks a lot." I said bitterly, turning around and walking to my apartment. The girl growled at me, grabbing my shoulders and pinning my sore body to the wall. 

   "Listen here and listen carefully, I've been nothing but nice and helpful, the least you can do is say thank you. I could've just left you there to die if that is what you want. But I am pretty sure it isn't, so stop being so selfish and be grateful. Someday, you might just wish you did." 

   I shook her hands off of me, glaring at her with a passion. "Leave me alone. For all you know, I did want to." And with those as my final words to her, I turned around again and walked off.

   Girls... I thought to myself. They don't understand anything.

The moment I got in my house, I was met with my mom and dads voices.  

   "Where the hell have you been, young man?" 

   "We thought you were hurt!" 

   "Or that you ran away!"

   "Go to your room!"

   "You're grounded!"

   "Get out of our sight!"

And that is exactly what I did. I ran to my room, opening the door, and locking it behind me. I saw the blue box that was shoved under my dresser peaking out. I knew what was in there, but I didn't want it. I wanted to cry until I passed out. And then, in the morning, when I felt numb, I would use it. Because that was the thing. To me, it was better feel pain than nothing at all. 

That night,when I fell asleep, I had awful nightmares about how I would never be good enough, and when I woke up at midnight, I had come to the conclusion....

It wasn't a nightmare.

It was real.

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1154 Words for chapter One

I hope that you guys don't judge too harshly.

Thanks for reading.