Abstraction

Spring Day

To all of those who are struggling:

I know it doesn't mean much, but keep fighting. 

There is an absence in the heart that lingers like an eternal winter after the death of a loved one. A cold toxicity that eats away at everything starts in the place where the memories began, until all that's left of who the loved one once was is a looming shadow of pain. They all felt it.

They felt it in the way the winter seemed to be longer this year than every other year when he was with them.

They felt it in the way one of them would say something funny, but the symphony of giggles would stop almost as soon as it started when they realized how inharmonious they sounded without his cackle filling the air between them.

Most importantly, they felt it in the way that no matter how many times they turned around to include him, only an empty space of cold winter air remained.

He was in a better place, perhaps. Maybe he was happier now, but that didn't make the pain of his depart any easier.

People say that good things come to those who mourn. That there was always a light at the end of every dark tunnel. Things will get better. Phrases that were meaningless to them, and now that they were on the receiving end, they realized how meaningless the words were to him. No amount of love and support could truly pull someone out of a sadness whose cause was as unknown to them as it was to those who cared about them.

It wouldn't be easy to move on. All they really wanted was to be with him again, but they knew he wouldn't want them to continue the monotonous cycle of fake smiles, pretend happiness, and genuine grief. Grieving him was exhausting. Ways things could have been different and thousands of "what ifs" playing on repeat until their heavy eyelids fall shut.

Dreaming was a bit easier because for a short time they could pretend that he was with them, and not in the way they still set out his plate at the dinner table. In the land of dreams his laughter, childlike pranks, and smile were all too real.

Upon awakening, they wished they could stop dreaming altogether.

Months turned into a year, and while the seasons changed, the aching chill in their bones remained. The pain of winter lingering even under the heat of the sun. When the heat faded completely, and the anniversary of the worst day of their lives drew nearer, they began to pull away from one another, each friend reminding each other of something that would never exist again.

On the day of the incident they came together again, one with a pair of his shoes in hand.

What if things were different?

Maybe they can be.

The hurt and confusion still remained, but in their time apart, the group of friends learned two things: they were better together, and just because he wasn't with them physically didn't mean he stopped existing completely. They would keep him alive with their memories, friendship, and love.

The two shoes tied together and flung across the branch framed the rising sun.

The heat began to fill the earth, melting the snow and ending the eternal winter that had settled across their hearts. They stood together, looking up at the two dangling shoes, real smiles breaking across their faces like the dawn.

Spring came early that year.

**I don't own the media**