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i could be the cliche and say that i dream about you. that you're on my mind at 2:00 AM when i should be asleep, dreaming about you. i could say that your blue orbs are like pools that i want to swim in. i could say you give me butterflies whenever you walk past.
but none of that would be true.
truth is, you are the stuff of nightmares. and i do think about you at 2:00 AM but i also think about you at every other time of the day and it scares the living shit out of me. because i spend so much time wanting you that there's a sharp and lethal possibility hanging over my head cutting into my brain saying that i could never have you. and your eyes are blue-green, but they are not pools. they are salty seas riddled with shipwrecks and dead men. and when you walk past, monarchs appear in my stomach but they do not flutter, they eat me alive. and, and we are so scared of losing what we don't even have for fear of rejection. i deny myself even the slightest chance of having any kind of future with you because i am scared of you. and all my friends, they say im being irrational. that i should take what i want but i feed myself on "i can't" because i won't."
i say i need you but i won't go get you. and in doing so, i deny myself the riddance of a fear that haunts me.
oh, and it's an ache that will hurt forever if i don't try and make it better.
