weeks in L.A. -troyler

chapter six

*WARNING: THIS INCLUDES SELF HARM AND SOME CONTENT MAY BE TRIGGERING!! *

~ TROYE'S P.O.V ~

I laid my bag down on the toilet seat and rummaged through it finding a blade. Am I really going to do this? after months of being clean and I'm going to do this now? I have to. I need to release all of these things I've need feeling. I need get rid of all this anger and frustration and sadness- I'm not even sure where it all came from anymore. I'm not sure where it came from, or what I did to deserve it. For so long I've been bottling it up and constantly pushing it further and further down inside of me and I don't know why I do it to myself- but I sure as hell know how to fix it! I turned on the water so tyler wouldn't get suspicious and I slid my back down the wall letting my body hit the cold floor. I close my eyes and took a deep breath before holding the metal piece up to my wrist.

WAIT!

I can't cut my wrists! I've learned the hard way that it's a struggle to keep it hidden from everyone, and the point of doing this isn't so that I can struggle to keep a secret from all of my best friends in this trip that's supposed to be fun! My hand left my wrist and I pulled off my shirt so that I could have a clear opening to my stomach and sides. Not waiting for a second this time, I gently pulled the blade across my side just skimming my flesh. Then again, but a bit deeper

for the haters - slit

for the pain - gash

for everything I hate about myself- slice

for everyone who wants me to - cut

cut

cut

cut

and one more ;

for tyler - slash.

I made that last one the deepest.

I closed my eyes and let my head rest against the wall behind me, then I stood up and got in the shower, gently but quickly washing myself. I stepped out and searched through the cabinet for a roll of gauze -which I gratefully found - and I wrapped it around my wait before getting dressed. I fixed myself up, did my hair and mentally prepared myself to face tyler, who was more than likely going to be there when I leave the bathroom. I turned the door knob and stepped out careful to not strike the newly created wounds on my side.

when I stepped out I saw tyler sitting on his bed with his phone in his hand.

"ready?" he asked looking up at me

"yup." I told him.

we met Zoe and Louise down stairs who was waiting for us to be ready, and we headed off to the mall.

A/N: OKIE! I need to say two things: 1) this isn't what I think of troye- it's 100% just for the story. I think troye is absolutely beautiful and flawless, and I think he knows it. I don't think he self harms or has any hatred for himself, nor do I think he has a reason to.

and 2) is anybody even reading this? like if nobody's reading this then I don't have to keep doing it... leave a comment if you actually want me to continue this because I don't think anyone's actually reading it.

k bye loves!

-@ayqueenbrittany

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