(Disclaimer: This is a personality. I'm not like this in reality. A true review will be at the end of the story. This entire explanation is just like a show for you all to enjoy. So remember, anything mean I say is just for fun.)
Well, here we are again with a big RWBY story that I'll probably end up hating. Everyone will think I'm an elitist who thinks his story is the best and all are inferior to me... which is true at times. It's good to know who's better and who's worse than you, after all. But saying, "Ha, I'm better than you!" Never feels good to me. Good thing I'm uncaring for tearing others down!
Okay starting off with the description... and it's not really a description. I actually hate this in all stories. Authors treat the description like an author's note and not a real opening to the story.
"This is a male reader X team rwby story. It may be postponed or discontinued if people show little interest in it. And be warned this is a dark story. Also if lemons are requested enough then there will be lemons of your choice.Also, I do not own any pictures or anything to do with RWBY that is owned by RoosterTeeth and various artists."
"You've been all over Remnant within eleven years. You've been forced to learn from a variety of teachers from a selection of schools. Now you're coming to Beacon, but for how long? All you know is that you're to finish your training there, and your new father is none other than Professor Ozpin: Headmaster of Beacon Academy (Male Reader x Ruby Rose"
Do you see the difference? One actually is more immersive and the other is just talking. It's a pet peeve of mine that a LOT of stories do. So already I'm annoyed at the description... great. Also is this a harem? I hope not or I'm going to have a whooooole other thing to bitch about.
Aaaaand first paragraph is problematic. So little old reader is lying on the floor, bloody and beaten, after being abused by his parents. Why was he abused? Because he has a semblance! So, what's the problem? Well, the reader has a semblance which means we have Aura. If we have Aura that means we have a shield that's ALWAYS ON. This means the parents beat him so badly that our Aura depleted. Regular people probably couldn't get through a Huntsman's Aura. Yes, the reader might not be a Huntsman but still, do you think some regular dude walking along the street could deplete Ruby's aura? Eventually, yes, but it just seems dumb. Hell, punching Jaune hurt Cardin's hand! Fucking fuckidy fuck. Get Aura right. It's just so aggravating.
Anyway, the grammar is odd. I'm not going to nitpick every mistake unless it's bigger or REALLY dumb. These ones are just a nuisance.
By the way, this is the FIRST PARAGRAPH. I've complained this much about the first paragraph... there's thirty-six left... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
So we skip to a flashback that takes place thirteen years ago to when they were in daycare. A Huntress is there just in case and who would have guessed that a Grimm hoard would attack. Unfortunately, there's no real build up to this. We don't get to see the children playing, us interacting with the others or even any down time. No explanation where we are, why the Huntresses are needed, or even the Huntress talking with other adults.
Also, there's an inconsistency where Mr. Souls refers to the Huntress as a simple "hunter" and nothing else. First off, they never refer to them as Hunters. It's always been Huntsmen or Huntresses.
I think some build up to this would have been better. But the Grimm attack and... ughuhgijnldasbhkfbekwrfn
Script format... fucking script format... okay, this is going to be a major detriment to the story's rating. Let me get this out of the way. Script format is used for... someone guess, come on... yes, SCRIPTS! It's for movies, voice acting, plays, NOT BOOKS. There's a reason why professional books aren't written like this. It isn't proper, it's straight up wrong! This story is, I'm sorry, basically trash because of it. I don't know how the actual story or anything is but because of improper formatting, it's terrible. So right away you guys know it isn't getting any higher than a 2/10. If any of you reading are writing something in Script format I beg you to redo it. I want to get rid of that format entirely!
