phil
i sat on the floor, leaning my back against the couch, crying. i knew what was coming, i don't know why i'm so upset. dan has a boyfriend, he loves him now. i had my chance and i let it go.
i could hear my phone ringing from beside me, i knew it was dan, but i couldn't bring myself to answer it. i just don't want anything to do with anyone right now.
dan: phil answer your phone
dan: phil
i threw my phone behind me, aiming for the couch, probably missing. dan was the nicest person ever. he was so sweet and caring, and he had no care in the world, until i had to go and fall in love with him. and now he has me, and my stupid fucking feelings to worry about.
he's probably given up on trying to reach me by now, he's probably with matt, probably telling him he loves him.
why? why me? why did we have to meet, and become friends? why did matt have to come along and take dan from me? why does the world hate me?
"fucking, dan howell. what have you done to me?" i sighed and tried to get up onto the couch, countlessly failing.
eventually, i gave up and laid flat on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. my cheeks were stained with the residue of tears, by the time i actually stopped crying, there was nothing left in me. i would have cried more if my eyes weren't devoid of moisture at this point.
staring at the ceiling let my mind calm down, to where all i was thinking about was dan. i wish i could just get him out of my head, but that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon. after a half hour of mindlessly thinking, and laughing to myself every once and a while, my eyes closed and i slipped into a void of dreamless sleep.
that was probably the first time i wasn't thinking of dan in the past three days.
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i apoligise if my writing is shit.
