Enhance

Chapter 31 - Tomlinson

I push everything at the back of my mind until I get to my room, lie on my bed and fall asleep. With this hangover I don't even want to think. I don't want to say anything. With all that yelling I feel like my brains are going to come out of my ears. It's only when I wake up and after I shower that I allow myself to think of what happened and I groan, the headache coming back again.

Oh God, that was a pretty dick move. I handled it in the worst way and all because I was hangover. Of course I got mad once she started to accuse me of things I haven't done. Or I think I haven't done. I know some parts of last night's party are completely gone for me, but I do remember some and I'm sure I didn't woke up with someone by my side this morning. Well, a woman. I woke up with Harry by my side but that's not weird at all, it's happened before when we both have been really wasted. Plus, Tom was using the other bed in the hotel room. So Robin has no reason to worry. I don't think I was stupid enough to hook up with a girl. Why would I do that? No matter how wasted I was, if that girl wasn't Robin I'm pretty sure I wouldn't give her the time of day.

Although I kind of recall a girl that looked a lot like Robin... No. I'm sure nothing happened. I would never cheat on Robin.

Maybe it's because I really don't remember all I did last night that I was more defensive than usual when I saw her suspecting. This time I lacked the conviction that I previously had because a part of me is not sure that nothing happen. I firmly believe Harry would've never let me do something stupid but then he was worse than I last night.

What if I did do something stupid last night?

No. That would've never happened. Robin's insecurities are getting to me. That's all. A few blanks in my memories don't mean anything.

"Ugh," I groan again.

Why is everything so difficult? Why can't we manage to work this out? I'm sure she knows how I feel and that I would never do something to hurt her. I'm positive she knows that yet she still doubts me. I don't understand. I wish I could really get what's going through her head when we have one of our fights. And this time she was different, she was colder. Was that because she saw my own doubts?

At my mind comes the look in her eyes when I told her I was tired. The hurt and something else. I am indeed tired of all this but I'm not tired of her. Of course I'm not! I don't want to break up but I was hangover and I said things I didn't mean. I acted like a jerk because I had a massive headache.

Is it really over between us? Did she mean that part?

I catch my breath, a sharp jab in my chest when I think about how I worked so hard to get Robin and now it's over? Just like that? Can really jealousy come between us?

And who the hell told her about the wild party? She didn't need to know how crazy that got. That would only make her feel more insecure. I was planning on telling her about the party, I was just going to omit the whole wild part. For her sake.

What do I do now?

When I said I was tired I meant it. I'm tired of this whole fighting and then making up, running after her to clear things up. I hate that I can't remain calm when she gets jealous and that I only make things worse. I don't really know how to handle things with her and I'm exhausted of this dynamic. I'm tired of fighting. But what I'm tired of the most is her lack of trust. I don't want to go running after her anymore. I haven't done anything wrong! It's enough. If she wants to fix this she has to take the first step this time. I'm done being the one who has to swallow the pride and say I'm sorry when it's all because she doesn't trust me. I know she has issues and I try to understand but I've reached my limit.