About my life

Chapter 3

*TW*
*Self harm, depression, anxiety*

Well in 7th grade a lot happened.

So over the summer from 6th to 7th grade I dated this guy, we are still friends now so no hard feelings twords him, and I really like him, and I thought he felt the same way twords me but I later found out that things had changed

Over the summer we didn't talk, we weren't able to, cause I had a phone but he didn't, my dad also didn't know about us being together so that made it even harder

But we got back to school and things were ok, we had kinda separated some but I still really liked him

But I could kinda tell the feeling wasn't mutual, I could tell something was wrong but I didnt want to admit it, so I just ignored it

Bad idea,
So he was distant, our relationship was very one sided, all the feeling of happiness seemed to only come from me, then things got bad

So he broke up with me and dated one of my friends for a few days and then they broke up, he asked me back out, I (stupidly) said yes and we were dating again

Then one day I'm in gym and someone came up to me and told me the he had kissed that same friend he broke up with me for and then broke up with to date me, and she kissed him back

Now remember I'm in 7th grade so I feel very upset and betrayed, that was my boyfriend and one of my best friends, how could they do this to me?

Well it doesn't stop there, so we ended up going to the guidance counselor at the school, I didn't want to but I did, and we talked to her and from what I thought everything was ok, I was wrong

So like I said, I thought we were good but then one morning that friend of mine, that he kissed and had broken up with me for previously, asked me to come with her to the bathroom cause she wanted to talk to me, and I just had a bad feeling and then she said hey, Kolten(my bf) wanted me to tell you that he wants to break up with you

And I just started crying, and she of course tried to help me and tried to comfort me, so finally I calmed down and had to go to class and act like nothing happened

But then later that day I had learned that he broke up with me for her, and what was worse is that he asked her out, and they started dating like the day before he broke up with me

But I got over it in a few days, like I said it was 7th grade, nobody has any kind of serious relationship but I ended up dating another guy for a few months

And then something kinda big happened, I woke up late for school one day and kinda freaked out and told my stepmom I needed a ride to school, I wasn't late I just missed the bus, and she didn't really say anything about it but I didn't care cause that's normally how it was when I needed a ride, so I waited and she wouldn't take me until she took my stepsister to the high school so I wasn't surprised when we went that way, but after leaving the high school we didnt go the direction of my school, we actually went the complete opposite way, weird but I didn't think much of it maybe I had like a dentist appointment that I had forgotten about, oops just me being dumb, but we also didn't go the way we have to go to get to my dentist or even my doctor, even weirder, then we pulled up to this group of random buildings that I had never seen before and we waited for my dad

He finally got there after about ten minutes of waiting, then I put my book bag in his car and we went to one of the buildings, the first thing I noticed was the calming music, it was basically just like the instrumental of some popular songs, and just random little fliers about good mental health, shit did my dad find out about what I was doing, if you're confused I self harm, I cut, and I thought I hid it pretty well, I didn't do it like on my wrists so he wouldn't find out, I hid my razor blades that I used

how could he have found out?
I hadn't told anyone in our family!
I only told a few of my friends and people I trusted!
Had one of them told him?
No, how would they have gotten his number or had any way that the could have told him?
Why didn't he ask me about it?
Why hadn't he told me he was bringing me here?

Next thing I knew someone was asking me to fill out some papers while he went to talk to someone

Ok? But all of the questions have to do with my mental health!? I don't want to do this. I guess I don't really have a choice do I?

I finished filling out the papers and and played on my phone for a few minutes before a lady came into the waiting room type thing and asked me to follow her to her office, she told me her name and what she was, a therapist

But I'm ok!
I don't need help!
Do I?
Why am I here?
I want to leave!
I don't like this!
Why couldn't I have just woke up on time to get on the bus?

She asked me questions about my thoughts, my feelings, school, friends, and other things, I had to tell her, she ended up I diagnosing me with sever depression, and anxiety, mainly social and testing anxiety

And then finally, after about an hour, we were done, I hated it so much, it didn't help me, I had two more visits after that, she asked me how I was, I lied and said I was better but I wasn't

I was, and still am very depressed and I still get relly anxious but that was really all that happened in 7th grade for me.

*An*
I just want to let you guys know that if you are suffering with a mental illness that you aren't alone, I'll always be here for you guys and if you ever just need someone to talk to just send me a message and we can talk and just remember that there are people that care about you wether you know it or not someone cares about you and loves you❤️