Lams One Shots

I thought you were mine

A/N my motivation for this chapter was the song happier by Ed Sheeran bc it's so sad and I love Ed Sheeran.

John POV 

Everyone was dancing to celebrate the newly married couple, Alexander and Elizabeth Hamilton. It hurt, seeing Alexander kissing Eliza, but I should have known, Alexander could never love me like he loves Eliza. It would be illegal. As they were dancing around the ballroom, I sat in the back corner of the  room, Lafayette and Hercules by my side. They knew about me and Alex.  "It's  not like I'm not happy for them, ya know? It just hurts..." I sighed. "We understand, mon ami. Je suis désolé." Laf gave me a hug. Alexander smiled at his wife and kissed her cheek, Eliza smiled back, eyes filled with love. I sighed again, remembering when he would look at me the way Eliza looked at him. I felt tears burning behind my eyes. I guess he looked happier , he really did. I turned to Laf and Herc. "I'm going to the bathroom, I need some time...." They looked at me, eyes filled with pity. "Okay John, we're always here for you." Herc gave me a hug. I walked to the bathroom and fell to my knees. I started sobbing, not being able to stop the tears. I believed him... He wrote me that he loved me and I believed him.... I started repeating his words. "Cold in my proffesions , warm in my friendships, I wish, my dear Laurens, it might be in power , by actions rather than words, to convince you I love you." I repeated the sentence over and over again. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, expecting Laf or Herc, instead I was looking at Alexander. "John...." He stuttered. "Alexander, don't you have a party to be at?" He looked at me. "I'm sorry John, you know that.."  "I know Alex, our love isn't legal, but I thought you loved me. I really did." "And I do, I love you, John." "Really? I couldn't see that, the way you looked at Eliza...." "John I'm so sorry. I love you, you know that. " "I find it hard to believe, my dearest." "I'll proof it." "How?! It's not like I would suddenly...." He cut me off by kissing me softly. I wanted to kiss back, but I remembered that he was married. I pushed him away. I ruined the only change I ever got. "John, what the...." Alex said. "You're married,  Alexander. I can't do this to your wife."  Alex nodded. "I...I'm sorry Jihn, I should go. Goodbye, my dearest Laurens." "Goodbye little lion." ( OKAY THAT WAS HAMMY'S ACTUAL NICKNAME I NEEDED TO USE IT OKAY)