Not mine to keep

Prologue

The distant hum of a jeep was the only exception to that of the pin dropping silence that prevailed between the trio standing in the middle of the campus yard. On any other day, this part of the campus would be filled with flocks of students engaged in various sorts of extra curricular activities, study sessions or just random hangouts. Today however was a Saturday and most of the student body was getting ready for the big game tonight, hence the squad was comparatively bare, save the few amount of students who found the lush greenery a perfect place for sunbathing.

"Misha-" he began, glancing at me first and then at her. She was already close to tears, I could feel that, but I wasn't ready to back down yet.
Call me a cold hearted bitch if you want, but I was also a kind hearted bitch who didn't want the same fate as of hers to fall upon someone as innocent as her.

I knew her kind, the typical village girl on a scholarship. They find these worlds a fantasy paradise and easily gets tangled in the webs and traps spread out by hunters such as him.

"Is she telling the t-truth?" Her voice broke at the end. I felt a slight pang of regret lace up my iron made heart, but now it was all too late. The damage was already done.

Devin opened his mouth to reply, but shut it back soon. He contemplated whether to let out the truth or not, I knew he was more obliged for the latter but a look from me made him fumble on his own words as he let out what was kept between us for a long time.
"Yes. She was my girlfriend from high school."

"B-but you said you n-never had a g-girl!"

"I didn't say I never had a girl Misha, I said I never had an intimate relationship with a girl."

Ah the sick fuck. How dare he say he never had an intimate relationship with a girl? What about that ex of his then, that supermodel who-
"-not with her at least" he finished giving me an all too knowing look.

I couldn't help but display the smug smile proudly on my face that made him even more irritant.
"Oh honey-" I began tuning in to that fake giggly voice Miranda made me practice all those years ago. It was that perfect queen bitch voice that had malice and superiority lined up perfectly. The poor girl even took a step back herself.
"-don't you know, big boys like him need big girls like her" I randomly pointed out to a girl on the squad who was openly having a huge make out session with some random bloke around campus. The girl was known around for her willingness to spread her legs in front of any guy who would provide her a bed that night.
"-huge, eager and definitely more experienced." I added with a slight wink at the end.

The poor girl looked at me with huge round eyes and then at the slut on the squad. She was in the process of removing her bottom when the guy said something and dragged her off to god knows where.
"She's... She's a-"

"-what? Slut? Yah. Duh!"

"That's enough Liv!" devin growled as he took a step towards where Misha stood. I felt my blood boil at the nickname he so effortlessly spit out. As if I was just another notch in his bed.

"Don't you fucking dare call me that name again!"

Devin looked flabbergasted for a moment. Throughout the time we were together I had loved his nickname a lot, because it was unique and special for me. Not that 'Liv' wasn't a famous name, but because he picked it out using my initials in each name.

Leanne Ivanka Vendetta.

"Ivanka please. Leave"

"No" I spat out glaring at my first love, who had promised to be with me till the day we die. He had promised to join me in the journey of life till end and then even after that, unfortunately though he was the first to leave when thinks started to get a bit messy.

"Ivanka-"

"I'll only leave if you answer me one question"

He nodded relived.
"Go ahead"

Misha looked at me with fear and hurt as if whatever I was going to ask would be detrimental to her. I couldn't help but feel the same right then. Devin's answer would definitely be either the beginning or an ending to another one of his meaningless fuck toys in life..

Misha would anyway be better off without him.

"Do you love her as much as you loved me?"

The question managed to choke the living shit out of him. His as well as Misha's jaws scraped the floor while mine clipped together in place expecting an answer from the former.

"W-what?!" Finally devin managed to squeak out.

"I asked whether you love her the same-"

"I fucking heard that Ivanka! I mean what the hell is- shit. Why do you even need to ask something like that?!" Devin blabbered running his hands through the blonde locks I used to run my hand through lovingly. Out of most of his body parts, his hair was what I missed the most. The silk locks felt soft beneath the hum of my fingers and it always managed to provide me a sense of peace whenever I touched them. He used to love it when I ran my hand through them too. I wonder whether this girl did that too and devin loved it just as much.

A strong pang of jealousy, hurt, betrayal and longing ran rampant all throughout my body rending me speechless and immobile. Why was I still affected because of him?

He left me.

So why do I still keep going back to memories of his and crying my bruised heart out?

For once in my life why can't I just forget him and move on?

Why?

"No"

What?

Did I really hear it? It was just a soft whisper that echoed from his direction. 

My head snapped towards him in the same time Misha's did. Her eyes were filled with tears threatening to bottle down her rosy cheeks. I felt like I've just commited a sinful crime, breaking an innocent girl's heart just for the sake of soothing mine.

"D-devin?"

For a moment, all three of us looked at each other in silence until I realised that it was me who called him out first.

Devin shrugged as if it was no big deal for him. But for Misha!

My god what have I done!

She was crying, more like wailing hot fat ugly tears. None of us went further than a step to console the poor girl. There was no point.

Devin looked genuinely upset. But, he opened his mouth giving me a look of utter devastation and longing.
"I would or mostly I could not love anyone else the way I loved you. A small part of me still does, believe me. But it doesn't mean that I would want you to come back to my life because I know you're better off without me. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but please promsie me don't ever interfere in my life like this."

"I-"

"Leave now, Liv. It's better if you could go. Be safe"

I felt as if my whole world was crashing down in one big fell swoop and I  had no refugee.

Fuck this shit.

Why the hell was I so damn emotional?

I felt my own tears as I turned on my heel and ran as fast as I could.