He was the person that I liked the least, the day I heard he was sick I didn't care that much or that's what I thought, he was always strong with such a strong personality but then he became this weak person with nothing but weakness it hit me when I saw him, laying in that state the other day in hospital, I was shocked that it hit me like that , he suddenly was giving me advices and telling me how much I meant to him so suddenly. Than my mind was so turned off I didn't know what to do or what to say I was trying to fake smiling but my eyes couldn't fake it I was asking myself did I feel sorry for him or was I so attached to him that much. I didn't know , but the only thing I was so sure about is that I hate seeing him in that state , that I care about him, that I want him to become the "old him " again. And there was a bunches of questions and ideas in my mind why didn't he express his love and how he feel about me when he was strong when he was "the old him " . Why did he have to wait until now?. I guess even him was so shocked about himself being in that state .I guess so. I was feelings like there are two of me in the same body with two different girls and personaliies in the same body. I hated myself for that , because I wasn't controling anything about me and that what "pisses me off " I don't know when the first personality can come out and when the second one can come out , it's kind of scary to me. Even if I wanna make the weather as "winter " it just come out as "spring" , even if I wanna see the sea it just come out as 'land of ice ' . I am" two" the first me is just evil , fire, ice, cold but the second is just kind, good and weak. That's me. I wanna have faith in human being but I wanna have control over me. What made me think of my self this way? The answer is no one and nothing. But what made me think ; no wrong question. What made me realize about myself this. The answer is "that person I used to like the least in my life "
