Bittersweet Symphony: Simply Ashton (On Hold)

Chapter 2

As much as it might interest you, my college life initially was boring, just as much as my school life was.

I just used to sulk around, basically pitying myself for what a horrible life I have, apart from the money and comforts.

But yes, I always found refugee in my music, those strings, they calmed my demons, purified my thoughts and made my heart beat at a normal speed.

As a favour to my best (and only) friend in the University, Ronald, I started playing for the rock band there.

The initial half of my first year there I was invisible to everyone but Ronald, that too because he was forced to sit with me in one of the classes. I soon rented an apartment with him, too.

"Dude, you're so rich." he said when he learned about my father and all, due to my stupid mouth, which opened at the wrong moment. I don't tell anyone anything, nor do I have any intention of listening to their shit.

Period.

"Yet, I am not." I had replied and had stared straight forward, into the vast Lake Michigan, looking gray and dull, standing still beneath the black skies.

It was a cloudy midnight, and we were sitting on the wooden plank, our feet hanging down, embracing the moderately warm water with the sole of our feet.

We held beer in our hands and were basically discussing about how annoying humans actually are, blood walking and running pieces of shit, too happy for our liking.

We were both in the University's football team, he was the goalkeeper and I used to take my position on the left wing.

Life was okay. My life been worse than that. Thus, I was content.

The next day we were supposed to go early for practice and then run to hunt for an apartment.

There was more than enough money in my account, and, in order to convey that, I had to provide Ronald with the whole history-geography of my wannabe life, looked too good on the outside, it did. Anyway, who, better than me knows what shit I have gone through.

It's fucking retarded, how in this world everyone assumes others to be happy and all cheery and then sulk and pity themselves for their pathetic state.

Everyone in this world is basically and actually fighting in some way or the other, trying to attain that happiness, that dream, faking smiles in their journey and course, hoping they'll someday attain what they have in their mind as the 'state of grace.'

And then suddenly life halts, leaving your loved ones teary and most probably your dreams will remain unaccomplished (unless you are Harry Potter, the boy who survived or something, or maybe Peter Pan) and nobody will actually give a damn about you.

Why will they? They're running their own race,heading towards an enigmatic juncture ; not having any idea about what the future will bring to them.

Still, we humans were left in this stupid place, entirely on own, left to run like a goddamn gazelle, somehow survive and then crumble into ashes.

Wow, God. Amazing plan!

Yea, so now you know, when I am not listening to music or making it, I usually think what the hell is the meaning of my existence, when the only person I actually loved has left me.

Well, I didn't know then what the future held or anything.

I just shat around, sulking in a hoodie, always.

You can guess, I know that- I always dressed in black.

Colours annoyed me.

I am so complicated, right.

Anyway, we never slept that night, basically talking about all the stuff I had in my head.

Him, too. He was pretty weird. A bit too cheery for my liking.

Our lack of sleep affected the consequent practice session, much to our coach's annoyance.

"Partying all night?" he asked us skeptically.

Our red eyes gave him the idea that we were drunk. We were drunk, yes, but only partially by alcohol. Most of it was caused by the eeriness we had experienced the night before, the sight of the yellow ball of fire rising slowly, to engulf the entire planet in it's glory and the beauty of the lake in the early morning sun.

Chicago was so different in that moment, right then.

Not that typical noise induced city, smelling of clogged industrial chimneys and what-nots.

The city was drowned in pollution, goodness gracious! 

It was so different from my 'hometown' (Sigh, the irony) which was particularly lush green and observed as extremely rural and pollution free.

We dragged through the practice somehow, ignoring the curious glances of our teammates, who believed us to be suckers who sat at home all night, eating chips and getting fat.

Ronald was initially a fatso. Never mind.

I was always the thin, lean one. He lost all his weight soon, football does that to people.

So, withing a year and a half, the scenario changed.

Being a part of the University rock band and the football team changed my life and my image, at least for the people.

Girls literally threw themselves at me. It was disgusting. Still is.

But how long can a guy be rigid? Constant pressure is very stressful.

So, I gave in. Became the new playboy of the town.

My image in the high school was a mirror of what image I held in my University.

Just that I was not as tolerant of people who walked on two legs as much back then.

I was seen as rude, ignorant yet a talented guy.

The girls again, kept hogging over me for what felt like forever.

Don't get me wrong, I was not an alien or something. I was attracted, obviously.

Just that I was afraid of getting too...attached. I had let go of my emotions very, very remorsefully. It had been tough. And I knew I couldn't handle any more loss.

I couldn't.

So, I ignored them. 

This rigid image of mine gave a boost to my playboy image in the University. Thus, till the end of the second year, I was drinking, changing girlfriends like clothes and getting rid of all those emotions I was left with.

Except, I couldn't part with my music. And that is, I guess the main reason I could rediscover myself again.

Apart from, of course, her.