The Views of Both Sides (Kellic)

Chapter 11| Far Away

I'm so sorry this is so damn late

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Vic's POV

I stared up at the white church with people flooding into it. I frowned.  This didn't feel real, not in the slightest.

I didn't even want to go in; of course I loved my mom and I wanted to honor her but I was convinced I break into tears as soon as I went in. I didn't have to read eulogy. Her parents didn't want me to and honestly I was far too depressed to think of one. I just wanted this to go away. I had never felt so alone in my entire life and I had never wanted to kill myself so badly. I felt my eyes well up with tears and I walked into the church.

I tried my hardest to hold them back as I walked to my seat. I noticed people looking to me sympathetically as I walked. I ignored them and sat down in the front row. I felt so embarrassed that I wasn't helping with the ceremony. I wasn't speaking or carrying the coffin or anything. I was too goddamn afraid to even look at the coffin.

I was terrified.

I kept my head down, trying to conceal my feelings for the time being. I didn't want to cry. My mom wouldn't have wanted my to cry over this. She wouldn't have wanted me to be sad or depressed.

I waited a few minutes, trying to pretend that I wasn't there until I heard everyone stand up and the priest begin to speak. It was like I wasn't even in my body. None of the words registered in my mind and time seemed to be lucid. I then looked up and I noticed my mother's casket had been placed at the front of the church.

She was in there and she was gone.

She'd never hold me ever again. She'd never see me grow up or get married. She wouldn't meet her grandchildren. She wouldn't even get to grow old with the love of her life. She was gone.

I felt a sob escape my throats and the tears roll into my cheeks. I let my head fall and I felt someone put their hand to my back. I didn't bother to look up to them. I was too busy crying.

The majority of the service was a blur. I didn't remember a word of what the preach said. I just cried quietly, hoping I wasn't drawing too much attention to myself I felt like I had only been there for a minute, but when I looked up the coffin was being carried out of the church. I panicked.

"No! No please bring her back!" I shouted, tears dripping off of my chin. "It can't be over yet I don't want it to be over yet!" I screamed in panic.

I felt the person who was next to me grab my shoulders and hush me, urging me sit down in my seat. I tried to push them away wanting to just run out of the church and follow them

"Vic, please calm down. Just breathe," I heard them say, and I felt my blood run cold.

"Jaime...?" I said, completely shocked.

"Its going to be okay..."

I whipped around to face him, and I still couldn't believe he was here.

"You thought this shit just wasn't depressing enough for me..." I said, pushing past him and quickly running off out of the side entrance of the church. I doubted anyone actually knew who I was in that church. My piss poor excuse for grandparents contacted the guests. They were all just her relatives, none of whom ever met me. I never met any of my family members. They wanted nothing to do with a race mixing dyke...

I walked for a little while, hoping it would help to calm me down. I leaned against the side of the church and looked around. It was such a nice day too... My moms probably would've dragged me out of the house and made us go to the park or something. I used to hate those kinds of things.