Chapter 2
Secrets
Jake looked over his shoulder as he walked away and couldn't help flinching as if he had been slapped, and hard, as he saw his brother wrap his arms around Cynthia and bend as if to kiss her. Why hadn't he just kept walking?
Kyle, who knew the whole story, or rather as much as Jake was willing to share with him,started to follow, stopping only when Jake shook his head He needed to be alone for a while. He needed to think. He didn't have a plan ofwhere he was going, only that it wasn't home.
Eventually he found himself on the beach, watching the wave's crash into the rocks and wondering if they would carry him out to see if he let them. He had loved Cynthia from the day they met almost 3 years earlier. She was in a youth group who were trying to get gang members to walk the straight and narrow and had approached them one afternoon in the park. He remembered being surprised and impressed with her. She was this tiny little girl with big blue eyes, not the type of person you'd expect to walk up to a group of hardened street thugs. She was ballsy that's for sure, Jake smiled at the memory. She had somehow convinced Nicky to go back to school, and Nicky, in turn had eventually convinced him. It didn't take long after that for him to realize that Nicky also had a thing for her, and knowing that she wouldn't look twice at him whilst he was still in the gang, Nicky drooped out, "for her." was the only explanation he had given. Jake didn't blame his brother, he could understand, but he was just not ready to give up the gang life for a girl, even one that had him walking in circles.
Maybe he was just stupid. He never did tell his brother how he felt, or what had happened between them before Nicky had made his intentions clear, he knew his brother wouldn't have perused the relationship if he had, but he couldn't help hurting over it. That was the first secret he had kept from his big brother and defiantly not the biggest he had kept since. After that Jakes love life had been a mess. Oh there were plenty of woman, older and younger even, but never any that went beyond sexual attraction. He was starting to think that maybe he had already used up his chance to fall in love, that we only get one chance and that he had wasted his, thrown it away for false pride in his statues in the gangs. And what's worse, he was fairly certain that, had he just swallowed his pride back then and left like his brother, that Brandon would still be alive today. He felt his chest constrict with quiet sobs. That wound would never close. He took a deep breath, then several more before he could regain control of himself. Standing up he turned to head home, it was well after dark and his mother would be worried, only to find Nicky sitting a little up the slope behind him.
"How long you been sitting there?" Jake asked as he moved to sit down next to Nicky.
"About half an hour give or take a few minutes, mom got worried when you missed diner, so I told her you probably had a girl with you and were busy passing on your jeans under some bush. "Nicky explained
"I'd have paid to see her face." Jake laughed at his brother's mockery at seriousness. A few moments passed in silence before Nicky asked carefully
"You ok? What's got you so messed up?"
"What makes you think something's got me messed up?" Jake fired back.
"Jake, remember who you're talking to brother. I know you better than anyone. Now spill it." Sighing deeply Jake looked at his brother in the moonlight, his face reveling nothing of the internal war going on behind his calm demeanor, before deciding to tell him the truth, or at least some of it.
