"Theres nothing to fear but fear itself"
This is kinda what i learned to live by growing up, it never really helps tho.
Fear isnt something i vividly remember, its just easier to picture it when you dont feel as safe as you once did. I've slept in a lot of diffrent beds & bedrooms before and in the most genuine way. It always left a mark on me somehow. Like when i was younger than this, I stayed with Grandma Verny , spent the night in her antique sowing room, there were materials everywhere & It was a pull down built into the wall, kinda levitating. It took awhile to fall asleep cause the room was creeping. But exhaustion always sets in eventually forcing you into unwanted unconsciousness. But when i was disturbingly awakened. Maybe it was a dream, i saw the face of an old hag, just her pale wrinkled features and white gray hair. Exactly where the sowing machine was, as if she was a part of the machinery. I couldn't move because i was sedated in fear, and as soon as i built strenght, i left. Thats just one of a lot of funny happenings.
For what seemed like a little while, things like that weren't so easy to remember. The environment made fear seem unattainable, there was an instance for say. The 666 girl, spooky stories said a little girl rocked her chair at night, i ignored that until i was falling asleep one night but i had decided to turn off all lights, usually slept with a night light and i still do. So right before i was to start sleeping, "please help me"
from the voice of nothing but a 5 year old maybe. I was in the hallway in faster time than i can probably sprint. Just Palid. I really didnt go back to sleep that night, I did a lot of thinking instead. Its not out of the ordinary for me . I've had a lot of time to think, but its always made a difference where i was thinking, & the effects that my sorroundings had on me. It's always easier to appreciate the blessings when you dont have them anymore though. It's impactful. Even if it cant change who you are & the way you do things. It always makes the difference. I look back & wish i could turn back the time clock. So i could practice better ways to show appreciation, learn more. I wish i knew how to Prove in better ways that i was more than grateful but i already showed who i really was, so even trying with everything i have. I feel like betrayal isnt something even I can let get myself get away with, with or without the opportunity.
