The Because List

The Because List #2

I thought it was true that we can't control what we want to feel. We only have a choice to show it up or hide it inside.

I once wanted to like someone, just because I want to. And then I started liking someone. But this feeling turned out to be fake.

But why did I cry when the bomb dropped out of the box?*

I expected him to like my friend, and it turned out to be real. And I couldn't put the blame on anybody that time. It was just me. And always me.

*maybe it was because I was desperate for him to like me, even though I already had a thought of him liking somebody else.

A long time ago, I tried to hide my emotion from this whole wide world, but then I turned out to be a monster. I turned into something I didn't know I was capable of. I couldn't feel anything that time.

And it felt horrible, back at that time.

And I don't want to feel that kind of feeling anymore.

So, I tell myself to be careful of what emotion I'm going to show up. But I can only write it down and never show it up.

So, I write it for my own sake.

"...because you can never control of what you feel."