Iron Frost - Clan of the Rim Chronicles #1

19

I DIDN'T LEAVE MY room for the rest of the day that lead into the night. I couldn't eat or drink anything that Astrid brought to me, both lunch and dinner going untouched. Calder tried his best to get me to talk about what was wrong with me, but I was mentally drained beyond the point of any conversation. Finally he spoke with Eeira about what went on in our meeting and then he understood my actions, but not the underlying truth of them.

I knew what he didn't. My people might soon be slaughtered with the frozen queen's pending attack. I was the only one carrying this turmoil inside me of keeping up what I felt was a lie. I was lying to them. All of them I was keeping in the dark of what may or may not become.

But how could it not come to pass? Each day that went by more and more familarities were arrising that could fit the vision puzzle. It was Calder's words, the knights' threats, and now I was soon to be queen. Everything was beginning to add up and I could do nothing but scream on the inside and feel pieces of me starting to crack.

When all of the castle residents had settled down to sleep Calder snuck himself back into my chamber after changing into regular clothes. I of course couldn't sleep no matter how tired I felt because of everything on my mind.

"Hey," Calder addressed me in a whisper, and I tried to smile at him the best I knew how. It was getting harder and harder to look at him the longer I was being weighted by the nightmare visions.

"Can't sleep?" he asked me as he walked over to the bed where I sat, taking off his boots.

I gave a light scoff. "No. Of course not."

"Is it because of what you and Eeira talked about today?"

I hesitated with my answer, looking down to my lap and fiddling with my fingers. "Yeah. . .Among other things."

"I know it's a lot to take in during such a short amount of time. No one expects you to go along with it the minute you're told. It's alright to be hesitant at first," Calder said, sitting down beside me.

"It's more than a lot," I huffed out a shallow breath, "It's. . .worth that of an explosion. It feels like everything has come tumbling down around me since the day I froze Blane and my protectors died. All this pressure for me to do this, be this, I-I can't, I can't-"

"Hey, calm down. Just breathe," Calder interrupted, placing his hands on my cheeks so I would focus on him. "Close your eyes."

I didn't want to close them because every time I did I saw the vision flicker behind my eyelids, but I did so for Calder's sake. I had seen masked all over his features his worry for me. Little did he know it was himself who he should have been worried about, who I was fearful for. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out, though it did nothing to help the tightness I felt in my chest.

"Eeira is not pressuring you into doing this right away," Calder informed. "No one is. You do not have to become queen tomorrow, or the next day, or even the next week. Only when you are ready."

I supposed he was right on that part. But this would happen eventually. Eventually I would have to put on the crown for my people, all while possibly risking their lives and Calder's because of it. . .

"That wasn't how Eeira put it. She said there was no time, that I basically had to do this now, for the sake of the kingdom to bring down the frozen queen," I mumbled.

"Well as you know I spoke to Eeira earlier, and she understands what you're feeling, and is apologetic for throwing all this upon you so drastically."

"You didn't. . .tell her about us, did you?"

"No. I'm with you most of the day so she knew I'd see something was the matter. I advised her to let you process, and she said she'll discuss with Gulbrand and the Clan of a proper time to do this."