I told myself I wouldn't do this again. I grab the razor out from under the dresser. I have to. This is the only thing that can help me. I slowly put the razor against my wrist. "That's too far." I say. I move it back to my thigh. "Perfect." I make several more cuts and then I heard some blood drip. I hurry and get a paper towel and wipe it up. I wash the razor and put it back under my dresser. For another day. Today is the worst day I've had in a while. I was raped. I lost my virginity. I didn't want to. I put my head phones on and play some music until I fall asleep. I wake up to the smell of waffles. "Yumm! My favorite!" I say as I walk down the stairs. I slept for at least 14 hours. I grab a plate and pick up one waffle. I put a little syrup on it and cut it in pieces. I eat less than half and feel sick to my stomach. I go back upstairs to get ready and I weigh myself. I weigh 110 pounds. That's too much. I force myself to throw up again only this time it felt good. I throw on some sweatpants my uggs and a t shirt. Crazy how I can go from shorts and a crop top to sweatpants and uggs. I do a full face of makeup just to cover up the bruises on my face. "Holy shit. My ass hurts." I did over 200 squats last night. I just am not happy with my body. I grab my backpack and run out the door. I barely make it on the bus and I realize I forgot to do my hair so I just put it in a messy bun. I feel sick to my stomach again. I just got off my period so it's not cramps. I drink some of my water and hope it goes away. The bus pulls up to the school. " I can't do this." I say. " Do what?" Asks Cameron. He always seems to pop up at the wrong moments.
